Never Be The One
by Lotus-Explosion
Summary: "I am getting married." Edward chimed, to all of his friends and family. The whole welcoming party went silent. Time that split second froze, the man I was hopelessly in love with was getting married, and it wasn't to me. I'll never be the one. - Lemons
1. Chapter 1

**Another story, I need to get on top of the ones I already have. Oh well I'll split my time. **

**I thought I would be able to update quicker as exams are over. First day back I get an essay, 25 questions and a test to revise for. So they may not be as often.**

**I really hope you like this (:  
**

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"I am getting married." Edward chimed, to all of his friends and family. The whole welcoming party went silent.

Time that split second froze, the man I was hopelessly in love with was getting married, and it wasn't to me, I'll never be the one. All those years, flashed before my eyes. I met him when I was 5 and he was 7, I went to kindergarten with his sister Alice, as the years went on I became just as close to him as I was to Alice.

I was 16 when I realised I was in love, that was 9 years ago, he went away to University and then that feeling erupted in me, like a volcano burning my soul alight. I ignored it, he was away and I was in dreary Forks, it was best to put it aside. It seemed successful until I was 19, then the fire was reignited when he kissed me but he claimed it was a mistake as he was already taken.

I was far too shy, to tell him how I felt, he went from girl to girl oblivious to how it was tearing my soul apart, all of my waiting, my incompetence to just tell him how I felt led up to this moment. I never told anyone, not even Alice therefore I hoped it would be easier to suppress, hide it away in my heart.

The time resumed itself, I sat next to Alice who ran up to her brother and hugged him. "Tanya is so great." She told him. "You're perfect for each other." Those words cut deep, I was nothing compared to him, nothing at all and especially Tanya and to top it all off, she was perfectly nice in fact, she was his perfect match.

I had to play cool, go home and cry into my pillow later. I stood up and smiled to him, "Oh, Edward that is so amazing. You're so well suited." I lied. It would have been so much better, if he still lived in Seattle then he wouldn't be rubbed in front of my face every single day.

Then Carlisle walked to his son and asked, "Is this why you moved back to Forks then?"

"Yes, I had a good childhood in Forks, Tanya and I thought it would be a nice place to start a family." He smiled. Then my heart sunk. Family? Children? They are already discussing children. Now I knew he was far too gone to ever be mine.

A whole swim of people flocked towards Edward, I was pulled to the back. I was forgotten about, he never even replied to me. That did hurt. I knew this would be my life from now on, looking from the outside, trying to salvage any little attention he gave me.

I decided that the feeling of rejection was too much, I sneakily crept out the door. The sea of people separated as I left, then I heard Edward's velvet voice call to me. "Bella, where you going."

I was already half way out of the door so I pretended not to hear what he was saying until I heard his speeding footsteps behind me. I was half way to my truck when I felt him grab my arm. "Bella, why you leaving so early?"

"I have a busy day tomorrow and I am not much of a party animal." I lied.

_It is because of you. Don't marry her, I love you. _

Words I wish I could say, but I didn't want to jeopardise the minuscule part of his heart that I had. "Anyhow." He smiled. "You know how Alice has to be a bridesmaid, and you can't exactly be one of my grooms men." He laughed. "I convinced Tanya for you to be a bridesmaid. I mean you are practically my sister."

Sister. Oh gosh, the worst of words that could have come out of his mouth. I mean best friend, would have a chance, but sister. "Thanks, you know I don't like attention though so I'll consider it, but I don't know." I lied.

"Thanks, Bella." He hugged me, I felt a single tear fall from my eye.

"Look Edward, I've got to go, so I'll see you in a few days." I walked the rest of the way to my car and speeded the whole way home to cry in silence.

"Well, let's hope it isn't in the hospital Bella, I know what you're like." He laughed then kissed my cheek. "Bye Bella."

"See you around Cullen." I played as cool as I can. Then he walked away from me, something I was going have to get use that.

I walked through the door, completely ignoring Charlie and went up to my room to cry. I cried into my pillow.

_Why doesn't he love me?_

_Why did I never tell him?_

_Should I have told him, how I felt when we kissed?_

_What am I going to do without the hope that we can be together?_

I slipped into a sleep on my pillow, I woke up that morning I could still feel the dried tears on my face. I looked to my phone to see if I have any messages. It read one message from Edward. I dreaded having to read it, but I knew I had to.

**Tanya is in town, take her out for the day. I know you'll give into being one of the bridesmaid so can you try and get to know her better. For me? –Edward **

I knew I had to agree. I knew I had to stand at the top of that church smiling, watching as he married the woman of his dreams. I wiped the tears off of my face, about a minute after Edward sent me another text.

**So you've either been sleeping like the heavy sleeper that you are, or you're totally against the idea of something like this, on the plus side Alice is going will that sway. – Edward **

He is not going to let this go. I can't see Tanya he smiling, her beauty whilst I am plain frumpy Bella. I waited a few minutes to text back, I didn't want to see too eager even though I was.

**Sure. I am not promising to be a bridesmaid but I will try. – Bella**

**Bella I truly love you at times like this. Thank you it will make Tanya and Alice so happy. – Edward **

If only the love he meant was the one I was harbouring for him. I was to meet Alice and Tanya at port angles at noon, it was 11:15. Crap. Put on some plain jeans and a comical T-shirt.

_Bella you're 25, stop this put on some lady clothes. Show him what he is missing. _

What is the point of even trying no matter what I do, I would look like a mongrel compared to her. I was about to leave the house, until I saw Alice there. "Come on Bella we're going to port angles."

When I got in Alice's car and she started to drive, she kept talking about Edward and Tanya, how perfect they were for each other. Alice was my best friend shouldn't she should have realised?

I turned to the window to silently cry, so she couldn't hear. She turned to me, and then looked in the window to see the reflection of my tears. She drove off to a side road and then parked.

"Bella, what is wrong?" She asked me concerned.

_Tell her, she may be able to help us. _

My brain told me, but I would never do that. It was so embarrassing to even admit that I liked a guy so out of my league.

"Nothing." Then even more tears erupted.

"Obviously there is, tell me. I promise I won't tell a soul." She promised me. When have I ever told anyone?" She asked me, she never has told anyone. "Tell me."

"I can't, I physically can't." I attempted to explain.

"Yes, you can." She challenged me.

I was about to give in, the burden could be shared. "I-I-I, in lo-lov." I stuttered.

"Spit it out Bella." She demanded me.

"I love Edward." I confessed. "I have since I've been 16, 9 years Alice." I broke down even more. "He sees me as a sister nothing else!" I exasperated. "It hurts so much, it hurts so much."

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	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own the character they belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**I hope you like this.**

**Time for a flashback.  
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"Bella!" Alice screeched. It was so high pitched it left a ringing sound in my ear.

"What?" I cried. "It is not like I can help it." I told her, I wanted so bad for the feeling to evaporate to go and free me.

"I know, but you tell me now," she began her lecture. "I mean, Bella you could've told me years ago, I could've set you up something."

"Like he'd want me." I put my face in my palms, I felt so embarrassed even though Alice was my best friend I couldn't shake the feeling that she was still his sister.

"You never know if you let me help you it could be you he is marrying instead of Tanya." She told me.

"Don't say that," I snapped at her "that just makes it worse, Alice." I cried.

"Well I like Tanya but sure I'd prefer it if he was with you." She sighed. "But Tanya isn't mean or bad in fact she is perfectly nice."

"Thanks." I spat.

"Don't get angry at me!" Alice snapped. "It isn't my fault. You should have told him. He is in far too deep with Tanya now, you'll have to face it he is marrying someone else." Her voiced was laced in sympathy for me.

"Yes, I know. It is too late far too late." I cried.

"I am going to cancel on Tanya." She told me, then pulled out her phone and then called Tanya. "Hey, Tanya." Alice greeted her over the phone.

I only could hear muffled sounds over the phone, for what Tanya was saying.

"I am so sorry Tanya. It is just that I have such a hangover and Bella is vomiting."

I heard more muffled sounds.

"Thanks, we'll rearrange Tanya." Alice smiled through the phone. She then hung the phone up. "Sorted." She smiled.

"Why did you need to cancel, I'll have to deal with it one day." I moaned. I had to get use to the fact that Tanya was sticking around.

"Because you're a state and I need to know when this started and how." Alice sighed, and then she drove to my house. The rest of the drive was in awkward silence.

Charlie wasn't home so we could talk about this even though I had a certain reluctance to talk about this. She sat of the sofa with her, I turned on the TV so I didn't have to face her. She grabbed the remote out of my hand then turned the television off.

"Don't avoid the conversation!" Alice snapped.

"Look Alice, I said that I didn't want to talk about it I haven't told you all these years for a reason!" I defended myself.

"Well you have now." She argued with me. "I mean all these years." She sighed.

"I know." I retorted. I knew I would eventually give in so I should just give in now. I let out a breath of a defeat.

She knew that I finally gave me. "Tell me when this started. When these emotions started?"

I sucked my breath in then started. "It happened when Edward left for University, something that moment he left it just surfaced my heart just everything changed." I tried to explain.

"Did you try to put it away?" Alice asked, I knew how this was going to go, Alice was going to ask and I had to reply.

"Yes, I did. I was almost successful." I told her. "But then..." I couldn't tell her what happened next it was the single greatest moment of my life. My heart yelled in joy.

"Then what Bella?" Alice interrogated.

"He kissed me." I cried again. That moment flashbacks came to me of that night when I was 19, that was 6 years ago. I waited for a man who touched me 6 years ago. I was pathetic.

_It was a summer's night a week before I turned 20. The music was blaring and people were happy. The summer always changed me, I was that little bit more alive. That night I saw Edward standing there alone, in all of his glory, his beauty and he was wearing a glum face. _

_I tried to walk away and ignore it, we've all heard about his better than perfect girlfriend Kate. I wasn't going to let that happen. Those feelings were diminishing, I couldn't be near him I had to finish the stages I laid out for myself, the stages for getting over Edward Cullen. I was reaching the end. _

_I tried to walk away to go back downstairs to the party, but he stood in the hallway looking out the window. Motionless. I started to walk away. Then his voice called to me. "Bella." My mind was split in two, whether to pretend I didn't hear or stay and comfort him. _

_It was such an easy choice. Stay with him. It would always be that choice for him. I walked over to him, "Edward what is wrong?" _

_He didn't say anything, he just stared intensely into my eyes. _

"_Edward if you don't tell me, I can't help you." _

"_Nothing. Bella, have you ever like even love someone so much and they don't realise you exist?" He asked me, there was no way that I could tell him the truth._

_I had to lie, I was never going to admit that. "No. I don't get myself caught up in stuff like that." I gave a false smile. _

"_Oh right, it kills." He laughed. _

_Huh? What, I don't get it, he has Kate? He can get any girl he wants. "Well, I am sure that you can get any girl you want and I think you're pretty drunk and you have Kate." Though the truth was that, I didn't want him to be with Kate, I wanted him._

_He quickly changed the subject. "So who is your date?" His eyes met mine giving me a fiendish smile. _

"_Mike." I replied, getting to the point as soon as I could. I was tipsy and I didn't want to say something I'll regret._

_Before I could realise what is happening Edward crashed his lips against mine. His lips were like fire, they consumed me, they were soft as well and they were better than I dreamed. I was so caught up in the kiss I didn't realise I was lying on his bed. His hands were roaming everywhere. Then after what felt like a few hours he pulled away. _

_He gave me a disgusted look. "I am so sorry, Bella." He looked to the floor. "You deserve better than this, better than me." Better than him? He was rejecting me and trying to make me feel good about it. _

"_Ok. Let's not talk about this." I straightened myself out and went to the spare room which I practically lived in and cried myself to sleep by his rejection. _

"He kissed you?" Alice spat. "He just couldn't stay away from my friends." She got angry.

"It was because then, he was going out with Kate and Tanya didn't realise he even existed." I groaned. "He always wanted her."

"You shouldn't have let him treat you like a whore." Alice snarled. "I am going to kill him."

"No don't." I begged. "I mean it, he probably doesn't even remember he was drunk and it is not like I am something special."

"Don't think so low of yourself. Please tell me it was just a kiss." Alice sighed.

"Well yes and a bit of groping but nothing else." I reassured her.

"He can't get away with this he just can't." She murmured shaking her head. "Well let's get back to mine." Alice ordered me.

"What?" I gritted my teeth. "I mean with him there."

"Yes. Are you going to let Edward stop you being friends with me?" She asked me.

"I guess not." I sighed. "Let's go."

This was another car journey in awkward silence. I mean Edward might be on shift now. He may not see me, he knows that we ditched Tanya though.

When we arrived at the Cullen's I went to Alice's room to cry and eat ice cream, which coincided with a little bit of drinking. Rather quickly things started to lighten up for the moment. Then later in the night when I was tired and drunk at exactly the wrong time, Edward walks in looking unhappy.

"Alice." He sighed then pinched the bridge of his nose. "You ditched Tanya, claiming you have a hangover and Bella is sick, for you to do what?" He asked her rhetorically. "To get smashed. That was cruel Alice."

"We were talking about our problems." Alice giggled at this time I was half asleep.

"That is it!" Edward snarled that's the one thing about Edward I didn't completely love was his changing moods. "Look at Bella. You're such a bad influence."

"I am not, how do you know she isn't the influence?" Alice laughed.

"Bella isn't like that." He defended me. "I am taking her to bed, by the looks of her she can't walk anyway."

That moment I felt Edward grabbed me in his arms like a man would take his wife. This felt so right, I hang my arms around his neck. He gently put me on the bed then when I thought he was gone, my senses failed. I whispered "Edward I love you so much." I only heard the door shut after I whispered it to him.

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	3. Chapter 3

**AN I did this quicker due to the feedback I got last time. **

**Those reviews made my week. **

**In England we're still at school. **

**So got Essay, homework, early mornings.**

**As I asked what POV you want lots said dual and Edward. I took that on board and did dual.**

**I also made it longer due to feedback. **

**See I take what you say on board.  
**

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In the morning I was greeted by a thumping headache, not the face of someone I love smiling back at me, not the face of the person I love looking back at me.

Somehow I ended up in bed, but I cannot recall getting up and walking here, in face I vividly remember being almost paralytic, that is one of the only things I remember.

Flashbacks of that night were exploding in my mind. The giggles, the funny faces, the chick flicks the ice cream, the confessing in Alice's car, the flashback of the kiss, the sweet kiss which reignited a flame in my heart.

Then I remembered Edward carrying me to bed, like a man would his wife on their wedding day. I had the feeling of accomplishment, everything felt right. I sunk back into my bed remembering the feeling of that night. I shot up from my bed when I realised what I said last night, the immortal words I whispered to Edward 'Edward I love you so much' I felt sick.

What have I done? I've driven him away forever. I hope he hasn't heard I had to run out of the house before I bumped into him.

I jumped out of bed, collected the little things that I had at house. I planned to jump in my truck and run. Only to gather my stuff and realise Alice drove me here, how could have I forgot? I need to get her to drop me off as soon as I could.

I crept to her room, it almost felt like I was doing the walk of shame as I went past Edward's room. I couldn't wait till Edward finally got his home away from here; I could be safe here my eyes wouldn't be consumed in tears. I know avoiding him was the only way I wouldn't feel this hurt.

I reached Alice's room and I knocked on the door furiously, I couldn't risk bumping into him. "Alice." I called her through the door. Finally after what felt like hours of waiting she opened the door she still looked disorientated, rubbing her eyes trying to compose herself.

"Bella. What are you doing here at this hour?" Alice asked me confused.

"Alice, it is 11 it isn't early!" I told her. "Look something happened last night, I tripped up last night I really did." I said in a rant.

She fell on the bed, I sat on the edge of the bed. "What do you mean Bella?" Alice asked concerned.

"Edward and I last night-" I stuttered

I was interrupted by Alice. "You and Edward did what?" She shouted she shot up of the bed suddenly awake before I had time to respond she continued her rant. "Great he treated you like a whore. I mean he must have known how you felt, and Tanya. My own brother is a womanizing man whore." Alice suddenly had to take in a breath from her rant.

I had time to correct her. "No, nothing like that." I sighed. Then I put my face in my palms.

"Then what happened?" Alice raised an eyebrow.

"I told him how I felt." I mumbled.

I knew she picked up on what she said, her eyes widened in shock. "Bella, what did he say?"

"Nothing, I am not even sure he heard me. I think he may have, I never meant to say it when he was there I said then I realised he was in the room." I ranted.

"What did you say?" Alice asked.

"Edward, I love you so much." I sighed. "There you go that is what I said."

Alice let out a little smile. "One, He may have never heard you and two if he asks you just say you meant it in a friend way."

"What if I don't want to correct him?" I asked, when she put it like that, I wanted to confront him and tell him how I truly feel.

"No." Alice sighed. "He is marrying someone else, you can't put him in this predicament."

"Alice, you're supposed to be on my side." I moaned.

"I am." She defended herself. "I really am as your friend and as his sister, I know that he has made a promise to Tanya, he will never break it and it will hurt you."

"I suppose." I agreed. That was the worst thought that he may have accepted me, opened his heart to me before. He proposed marriage to Tanya but what if I could have said something before maybe just maybe it could have been me, he was kneeling to. Tears broke from my eyes.

"Bella." Alice sighed, and then put her arm around me. "It is going to be ok."

"No it won't, I am pathetic." Words couldn't explain how I felt, how I felt a loss of hope. How it is destroying me.

"I don't know Bella, Bella I don't know." Alice sighed.

"I know no one can solve this. I'll have to find someone else." I told her, but I don't know if I could.

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**EPOV**

In the morning I could see the sun peeking through the curtains, it was almost midday, and working night shift really messes up one's body clock. Those words replayed in my mind 'Edward I love you so much' words I never thought would cross Bella's lips. I dreamt of her saying those words to me that night, she was just repeating them in my dream.

Of course she must have meant it in a friend or brother way. Bella couldn't love me all these years she spent around me and no signal whatsoever.

All those words left were doubt. Isabella Swan. I guess for a while I had a thing for her, in fact I was convinced I loved her at one point but it was fallacy. Isabella saw me nothing more as a brother. Not once did I gain a reaction of a squirm when I referred to her as almost a sister. She seemed to like it, man that sucked.

I remember that night I kissed her all those years ago. I heard her earlier that day talking to Alice on how she had never been kissed, her embarrassment only for me to steal it away from her. I guess I wanted Bella to have one romantic thought edged into her of me forever.

I remember seeing her with that Mike boy. He disgusted me, the way he looked at her and the way she looked at him. I hated it in fact I despised it. I felt bad for even thinking about Bella, when my fiancé is sleeping next to me. To be honest I felt awful.

Isabella. I think I loved her once, when I first went off to University looking back on Bella's face as I started a new life some reason that moment I could feel a stark difference in the love I felt for Alice and the one I felt for Bella. I felt bad, falling for my sister's best friend besides the fact she was only two years younger I couldn't shake the fact she seemed too young for me.

Years ago I would've loved her to say those things to me, but she never did. Why do these things happen at the most inconvenient times?

My heart once was hurt by the fact that Bella never felt anything for me, but then I finally met Tanya senior year, she split all of her coffee on my medical notes. She offered to help me revise, so I offered to return the favour after a while thoughts of Bella with someone else faded in fact, I forgot about them completely.

I lied about still having exams at the end, just wanting to spend time with her, she still had them so I felt bad for keeping her away from her studies but I guess I was selfish. Then finally it came out both of us were guilty of the same thing.

I remember the first time Tanya told me she loved me, I remember when I returned those words. I remember trying to say those words to Bella but looking at her that night at Mike knowing she wouldn't return them.

The running thought in my mind was, what if? What Bella said was how she truly felt? Oh no the predicament, of course, I loved Tanya not Bella.

_What kind of fool are you Edward? Going to leave Tanya for Bella? You don't love her, she is just a girl, and she is nothing compared to Tanya. _

_This is Isabella Swan! You know how you felt about her; call this off before Tanya gets hurt. _

_You promised Tanya to love her! Isabella is a teenage crush. She is nothing! Gosh you have no pride, Edward. Be a man, you're a weakling you love Tanya not little Bella. _

My mind was being torn in two, but the majority of it belonged to Tanya. That I was certain of.

Those words will play on my mind. What if? What if?

"Edward?" Tanya mumbles into her pillow. My fiancé has woken up, my sweet, kind, funny and smart fiancé. How could I have been so selfish to think of another woman?

"Yes, I am here." I smiled as she turned her head up to me.

"Oh good, I thought you may have left me."

"I'll never leave you, don't you know that Tanya?" I asked her, I was contemplating that myself. Could I leave Tanya? Why would I want to?

"Yes, but I meant went to get breakfast or something." She laughed.

"More like lunch, it is quarter to twelve." I told her.

"NO. Really?" Tanya was instantly awake now.

"Yes, why?" I laughed; Tanya was so cute when she was all flustered.

"I have to go to somewhere." She told me.

"Where?" I asked.

"Nothing that concerns you." She smiled then skidded to the bathroom, 5 minutes later she came out fully dressed and ready to go. I swear that woman could get ready before me. She leant down and gave me a kiss, smiled and said "Bye, I'll be back late tonight don't wait up."

I couldn't respond she left before I had time to do so.

After about 5 minutes I jumped out of bed. I walked down the hall pass Alice's room. Then I heard that sound, I knew it so well. It was Bella's cry. Who hurt her this time?

Mike? Laurent? Peter?

Or maybe me?

Those tears, can't possibly for me.

_Yes they are, selfish man. Make this right. _

_No, this is just little Bella, she'll get over it. Remember Tanya? _

What if Bella meant that she was in love with me? Why would she do this now? Why was she making this difficult for me?

Her cries grew louder, the cries hurt me. I didn't want her to go through this, I wish I could make things so much better, make her forget about me. This would be much easier, if she didn't love me.

The cries got louder, to hear this physically hurt. What could I do, to make this better?

I couldn't handle this anymore, I couldn't hear the cries before I walked in there and did something that I would regret just to stop those tears.

I walked on by.

I sat in the living room for the rest of the day, Bella didn't come downstairs at all Alice would come and go bringing food and drinks. Never Bella.

I sat there for the whole day channel surfing mindlessly, I felt my IQ dropping per second.

Later that night, after a day wasted Bella finally came downstairs. It was midnight, Tanya still hasn't returned. I then heard my text tone go off.

_Sorry Edward, caught up staying at a friend's tonight I'll be back in the morning with breakfast. Promise. Xxx_

Bella was about to leave but for some reason, knowing Tanya wouldn't interrupt us I had to ask Bella.

"Bella, wait up." I called her, I knew she would continue walking, she was borrowing Alice's car. "Bella." I ran after her.

_What are you doing? What about Tanya? Fool. _

_Go after her, you know she is the one. _

_Fallacy, she isn't the one, it is Tanya. You can't do this to the poor girl. Selfish mongrel. _

Bella was at Alice's car about to get in but I then ran in front of her, it was cold and I was only wearing a vest shirt. I thought I was going to freeze but I didn't care, I had to know.

"Bella, don't ignore me. Please." I begged her, I didn't want her to leave. I didn't know what I wanted to hear, what I wanted her to say.

"Fine, but Edward can't you see I've been a little down lately it is the newspaper I am trying to get articles there but someone always beats me." She frowned.

"Bella I have to ask you one thing. But you'll have to tell me the truth." I told her.

She remained calm. She remained composed, oh gosh what if she didn't mean it the way I took it. I'll make a fool out of myself. "Ok shoot." She smiled.

"Last night, you said as I quote 'Edward I love you so much' what did you mean by that?" I asked her, her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.

_Oh no. She didn't mean it like that. Stupid Edward, get ready to be shot down. _

_What does it matter if she does you'll have Tanya. _

_But this is Isabella Swan. _

_So?_

_She is different from the rest even Tanya._

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**BPOV **

I was finally leaving Alice's house after a day of crying again. I had to get over this.

Alice let me borrow her car, she knew I had to get away from this house, I'd snap if I stay here. As I was about to leave I heard Edward call me. "Bella, wait up." I carried on walking. "Bella." He called me again. I was going to remain strong, I was going to walk on.

I finally got to Alice's car then out of nowhere, Edward jumps in front of me when I am attempting to get away from him. "Bella, don't ignore me. Please." He begged. He was making this so much harder for me.

_Bella push him aside. Leave him forever. _

_No, don't he wouldn't be like this if he didn't love me._

"Fine, but Edward can't you see I've been a little down lately it is the newspaper I am trying to get articles there but someone always beats me." I had to lie, I wasn't going to tell the truth.

"Bella I have to ask you one thing. But you'll have to tell me the truth." Oh no, he heard last night.

I had to play it cool, I couldn't let him no. I couldn't have him break my heart it was already withering away. "Ok, Shoot."

"Last night, you said as I quote 'Edward I love you so much' what did you mean by that?" Edward asked me. He heard me, he heard me. Oh gosh it is terrible.

_Lie, Bella. Lie. He'll shot you down. _

_Tell the truth look at his eyes. That is love._

_Don't be pathetic, it is nothing. _

_She should know regardless. _

What am I going to say?

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**Please review, the power of the review keeps this story going.**

**This story isn't like 10 chapters it is more, it isn't going to be an easy ride for their love. I wouldn't let it be so easy. I am cruel.  
**

**Going to finish this AN as I am currently being eaten alive by mosquitos and yes I live in England. **

**Gina  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Here is another chapter. I hope you like it review. I don't know if it is good. **

**I just had some time and wrote some more. **

**I am so tired right now from writing. **

**I am so flattered from the reviews and subscriptions, it means so much to me. **

**Ever so much.  
**

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**BPOV**

I had to lie. I loved Edward and this is why I had to lie. I wanted him to be happy, more than my own happiness. "I meant it as in I love you so much, in a brotherly sense, I don't have a brother you're the closet I have." I gave a false smile, I had to do this.

_Take it back. Tell the truth. _

_No this is the right thing to do. _

"Oh good." He let out a huge smiled. He would never really want me.

"Why would you think so stupid Edward?" I smiled, trying to hide that defeated feeling inside my soul.

"I don't know. I know it is pathetic really. I mean come on, it would be so odd for you to love me." He laughed, this all became very awkward.

"Don't worry about, the way I said it, it probably looked like or sounded like something else. Probably cold feet." I reassured him, I was about to go in the car then Edward's arm grabbed me.

"What makes you think I have cold feet?" Edward spoke with angry overtones.

"I thought most men get it, well most women get it too." I smiled. He really didn't love me, but he felt the need to remind me.

"Fine." He let go of my arm.

**EPOV **

I waited for her answer, I don't know what I was hoping for. "I meant it as in I love you so much, in a brotherly sense, I don't have a brother you're the closet I have." She smiled at me, it hurt like a mother fucker, but surely that can't mean I love her, I mean brother.

_Idiot you love her. You know she meant it in the other way._

_You're a weakling. Looking for any reason not to marry Tanya and now you're going to blame Bella. Call yourself a man? They should call you a cowardice boy. _

_Please tell her, you can get out of this with Tanya. Please. Pretty please. _

_Stop being pathetic. _

Both sides of my mind were arguing, I had to stop this right away. I was a coward and I was using Bella as an excuse to not get married. "Oh good." I let out a huge fake smile, but I don't understand why my smile was so hard to fake.

_Because she is Bella and you love her. _

_Because you're a weakling. You're a disgrace. _

"Why would you think so stupid Edward?" she smiled, because I had to admit somewhere, some part of me hoped it was like the way she said. She was the first girl I felt love for.

"I don't know. I know it is pathetic really. I mean come on, it would be so odd for you to love me." I laughed trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Don't worry about, the way I said it, it probably looked like or sounded like something else. Probably cold feet." She reassured me. I didn't want her to leave and cold feet? I don't have cold feet.

I grabbed her arm. Then I got angry, why am I so selfish? Why do I want her so much? "What makes you think I have cold feet?" I asked her, I could hear in my voice the loss of patience I had for myself turning into anger.

"I thought most men get it, well most women get it too." She smiled, she was used to me and my mood swings.

I knew when I held her arm, I didn't want to let go, I wanted, I needed to kiss her but I couldn't I proposed to Tanya it was too late, I finally realised I had to let go of her arm. "Fine." I sighed defeated.

I watched her drive off, it hurt for some reason I felt that she was leaving me forever.

_TANYA. _

_BELLA. _

_TANYA._

_BELLA. _

Why am I even torn? I don't love Bella, it isn't possible. I went up to my room and rested on my bed. All thoughts led back to Bella. What would I have done if she said she meant it? Was she lying to me?

I can remember Bella, her embarrassing laughs which often led to snorts. Her strong will, she'd never let anyone walk all over her. It was just Bella in general.

No, I had to marry Tanya, I proposed to her because I loved her. I loved her, I loved Tanya Denali. This whole situation was infuriating, I wasn't angry at anyone besides myself. I already felt that I was cheating on Tanya and that I was treating Bella like a whore or a mistress, it wasn't fair on them.

**BPOV**

When I finally arrived home, Charlie was asleep. I had to move out from my Father's it was awful who'd want a girl who lives with their Dad, a Dad who carried a gun and could legally use it. I was going to end up alone.

I would eventually see, Alice marry Jasper.

Rosalie will have more children with Emmett.

And the worst of all watch Edward marry Tanya, start their family, I would be looking in a window of them having their family dinners, I'll be in the rain, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference of my tears and the rain.

Every time I thought of them, I felt a sharp pain to my chest. It actually physically hurt, I always thought that women who let themselves get into that mess were weak.

This situation makes you weak, this situation breaks you down. I didn't know where to go from here.

I avoided the Cullens as much as I could in the coming weeks it was only 2 and half months left to the summer extravaganza of a wedding, I was still bombarded with texts and calls from Alice telling me to visit her but I just blew her off claiming a busy schedule at work. She knew better, but I couldn't I'll get stronger soon.

Edward on the other hand I have had no contact with. It seems like he is avoiding him as much as I am trying to avoid him. After weeks of avoiding him, I picked up the paper which I work for and in the advice column very similar to my own, only I was a guy and Edward was a girl. They were only engaged and still haven't planned the wedding.

I read it. In a nutshell, it suggested moving on, find a new happiness but tell them how you feel, these advice columns were so messed up, they all contradicting each other. I had to decide what to do, tell him or just leave it. Clutching the column in my hand I got in my car to drive to the Cullen's', when I go there I will make the choice. When I see him, it will come to me.

I drove in my truck to go there. So many thoughts were running through my head.

_Tell him you never know. _

_Don't you'll get rejected. _

_TELL HIM. _

_DON'T TELL HIM. _

_TELL HIM. _

_DON'T TELL HIM. _

It was so confusing, thinking of him was time consuming it plagued my mind. He plagued my mind, he started to become a disease he rendered my heartless, speechless and physically sick.

I need more time to think, I pulled into a bypass in the dark and cried into my steering wheel, like a blubbering baby.

**EPOV **

Tanya was gone almost all the time now. In fact, my mind was going hay wire. Plaugued by thoughts of what she was up to. All those nights away without explanation, it seemed clear to me, she was cheating on me.

Though my mind was conflicted, could I only be so insecure because of my recent feelings for Bella and that is making me unsure of her?

I just had this uneasy feeling that she was lying and cheating, I didn't want to think about it. If I wasn't thinking about Tanya and her possibility of cheating, it was Bella.

She hasn't visited us or hardly spoken to Alice since that day. Did I embarrass her?

I hope I haven't sent her out of my life by being a buffoon.

It was two and a half months before the wedding and I need to air my head out, should I follow Tanya one day to see if she is cheating? Should I have more faith in her, could the person she is seeing is just a friend?

I went for a night drive, I drove around for what felt like hours. I finally saw in a bypass on the road, it was Bella's red truck, lights were on in it, I could see her in it. I had a feeling that piece of junk failed on her again.

I pulled up behind her. I walked out of the car and knocked gently on her window I saw her jump then she realised it was me. Then as I got a closer look, I could see tears running down her face.

I hate to see her cry. I despised it, I didn't know what to do I wanted to get rid of her suffering. I wanted to help her get over it. I wanted to hurt the person who caused her this so much pain.

She opened the door, I climbed in and put my arm around her. "Has the car failed again?" I asked her, she shook her head no. "Who was it Bella? Who caused you this pain, I'll help make it go away."

**BPOV **

I cried in my car. It was Edward, his emerald eyes shone through the rainy dark night.

I let him in, he could see the tears, and he put his arm around me. This caused more tears, the feeling that he gave me, the feeling that I knew I couldn't hold it for long. "Has the car failed again?" he asked me, I shook her head no. "Who was it Bella? Who caused you this pain? I'll help make it go away." He thought he could be I can't.

Why must it make it so difficult? I was thinking about the article what should I do?

_Tell him, look how he cares. Look at those eyes. _

_He'll reject you. He'll destroy your soul. _

_He wouldn't he would never. _

_Don't tell him. _

_Tell him. _

He pulled me closer to him. He whispered in my ear. "It is ok, Bella, I'll always be here. Being with you, with open arms till the day I die."

That moment I decided I had to tell him. I'd rather be shot down then never know.

_

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_

**AN: REVIEW. If I don't get reviews I end them, I've done it before and I'll do it again. **

**Reviews will get teasers (: **

**Tanya cheating? **

**Maybe, Maybe not. **

**Review. Please. Reviews are my drug. Come one I want to reach 75 reviews altogether for this chapter. **

**Make a girl happy, the happiness you can spread. **

**Hit that button.  
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	5. Chapter 5

**All characters owned by Stephenie Meyer**

**Another chapter so quick, I guess it is pretty short. **

**I hope you like it, you can see how thier relationship is more in this chapter. **

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**BPOV**

Yes I had to tell him, I will go to the Cullen's tomorrow and tell him, the fact that I could finally get this off my chest. I had to know. I had to know.

My tears dried, I'd finally make this go away, rejection is better than never knowing. I had to go home tonight and practice how to formulate words.

"Edward, I feel better. Just need a weep, to let it out." I smiled, I was happy that I was going to find out soon.

He looked at me, raising an eyebrow, he had a mischievous look on his face. "Fine, Bella."

"Thanks for being here." I smiled at him. I needed him close, I needed him close more often. I needed him.

"I always will be." He reassured me.

_He may not be if you tell him._

_He will, he will always be there. _

_He won't. He won't._

_You have to tell him, it could be a happy ending. _

I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him, no matter than what. It has to start or stop soon. I needed to move on and this is the only way.

"Goodnight, Edward." I waved goodbye to him, he stepped out of the car.

He waved back at me, I could see those vivid green eyes.

I was going to start my truck, and then it wouldn't start. I tried about 5 times, I could see Edward's car still behind me waiting to go. I sat there for about ten minutes trying to restart this piece of shit of a truck. Why have I kept it for so long?

Then after about ten minutes, I heard Edward knock on my door. "Bells. Let me guess rusty has failed?" He laughed through the door.

"Yes." I hung my head down in embarrassment.

"Come on Bella, I'll drop you off home." He smiled. I jumped out of the car leaving rusty behind me. The good old Volvo, well he has had about seven different ones now but still it was the good old Volvo.

I climbed into his new one, this time it was black. I sat in the car and smiled at him, he smiled back looking confused. "What are you smiling at?"

"The Volvo, it is black." I beamed at him.

"And you find that funny?" He laughed at me.

He always made me smile, words couldn't describe how happy these moments made me. "I don't know." I confessed.

"You're a character and a half, Miss. Swan." He laughed.

As he drove me home, we talked, we laughed and we absolutely enjoyed each other's company. The love I felt around him was indescribable. The he finally dropped me off, he dropped me off to my front door as I was about to leave I saw a frown possess his face.

_Invite him in, we can make him feel real happy. _

_You're thinking like a whore, invite him in but don't ruin it for yourself. _

One thing I knew was that I was going to invite him in. "Edward, do you want to come in for a drink?" I asked him.

"I couldn't possibly invade on your privacy."

"You saved me, you of right now are my knight in shiny armour." I let out a devious smirk.

"Is that right Lady Swan, are you my damsel in distress." He let out a laugh and tried his English accent.

"Lord Cullen however can I repay you?" I leant in and held his jacket, I pulled him into the house he didn't reject.

_BELLA SWAN! I think that is role playing and that is creepy. _

_Role play, that is funny. Lord Cullen suits him. _

"This is weird Bella." He let a nervous laugh.

"It was it was very creepy also the English accent it sucks." I laughed.

"Hey, my Dad is English. I can do a cracking English accent if you ask me." He laughed, folding his arms pretending to be offended.

"Whatever you want to think Cullen. Whatever you want to think." I playfully laughed at him. "Do you want a drink?" I asked him as I walked into the kitchen.

"Yes some wine would be nice." I heard him in the living room.

"Which one, red or white? Don't go all posh wine with me Lord Cullen I am not rich." I asked him, I can't believe I am still going on with the Lord Cullen stuff. He was going to think I was mental.

"Well Lady Swan either would be perfect." He was still using that English accent, I bet he could hear me laughing from the kitchen.

"Okay. Red it is." I walked in. I sat down and silence fell upon us, the playfulness of about two minutes ago evaporated. "Edward, is something wrong?" I could see it in his eyes. I could see his eyes something was wrong, I always knew when Edward was sad or upset and I always want to be the one who comforted him.

He didn't reply for some time. After finally a few glasses of wine I could see his inhibitions slipping the only issue was that I was matching his drink to a certain extent, every two glasses I had one. I couldn't slip and let something out of the bag. "Tanya that is the issue."

I could never escape Tanya for some time it was just Edward and I but it will never be just Edward and I someone will always get in the way. "What is wrong with Tanya?" I asked.

"I think she is cheating." He sighed, and then I could see a tear leave his eye.

_She is cheating! She could never love him like we love him. _

_Don't take advantage of it, you can never be sure. Be there for him. _

_SHE IS CHEATING. SHE FEELS NOTHING COMPARED TO US. _

I hated that I was happy that, Tanya was breaking his fragile heart. Seeing him like this broke me, I needed to make him feel loved. He was so hurt, in so much pain. Then I put my arm around him and pulled him closer. "Are you sure?" I asked him.

"Almost, I mean she is always at a friend's house." He said in inverted commas. "I mean she doesn't tell me where she is going." He put his face in his palms. Then I saw him cry when he tilted his head to me.

I wiped his tears away from his cheek. "Oh Edward, you poor thing." I kept wiping away his tears, there was only tears streaming down his face never making any sound whilst he cried. "She doesn't know how lucky she is." I think she is insane, how can she cheat on Edward? If I had him, if he loved me I would never let him go.

"I don't think so." He sighed. "I am not good enough for anyone."

"Yes you are." I told him. He was all I wanted and she had to mess it up. I was going to use this situation of him hurting to get what I want. He won't automatically love me because he breaks up with Tanya.

"How do you know? How do you know that if someone out there loves me, like I thought she loved me." He growled.

I don't know what happened that moment. The alcohol, his hurt and my love led to this. "I love you. That is how I know, because I love you, so much that it hurts."

He pulled away from me. It was rejection, I knew it but at least I could move on now. "Bella. Really? Is this a joke?" He asked me, he looked so confused.

I only confused him. "Yes." I told him. "YES. YES. I have for so long and I won't let her hurt you, can't you see that?"

He moved closer to me he leant down on top of me so I was laying under him. Then his lips came closer to mine, we were looking at each other's eyes our noses lightly brushed, our lips coming so close. "Oh Bella." He whispered. "Beautiful Isabella. How I've dreamed about you." Our lips were so close now, just one more inch and our lips would be connected.#

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**AN: I hope you liked it. No EPOV in this chapter. **

**Do you want the next chapter to be this one but in EPOV. **

**I would be more happy to write it surely you'll like to know what is running through Edward's mind.**

**I would love 100 reviews by the next time I update. **

**Not enough reviews story will be stopped, I am also quite ill at the moment so I shouldn't spend too much time around the computer but those reviews motivate me.  
**

**Next update to be around Wednesday, Thursday. **

**Help me get those 100 reviews, it would mean so much to me. The only reason this chapter is out is due to reviews. Just leave a short message, what you think is happening and what you want to happen. Remember to tell me what you want the next chapter to be. **

**This story is going to be about 20 chapters at least so, it isn't over and there is more of a story line. **

**Will Edward and Bella kiss?**

**Will there be a lemon? **

**Review to find out. **

**Thank you **

**Gina.**

_**Feel free to check out my other story I am currently working on. **_

_**The Darkest Depths - Bella has a dark past trailing her, stuck in an asylum alone and in fear of James. One day a new Doctor walks in, Edward Cullen. Bella falls in love with Edward hard and fast, though is the love unrequited? Does Edward even exist? - Lemons. **_


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I am ill today so I could write this. **

**Eclipse hasn't come out in England yet going to see it on the 10th. I planned this with my friend who was on top of a montain in Wales, for a school trip, we were calling each other making plans (: **

**What am I most excited about in Eclipse? Carlisle with an English accent *sighs* I was so let down when he didn't have it in Twilight/New Moon**

**The only issue with Eclipse? OVER ADVERTISING. IT IS BEING SHOVED DOWN ME AT EVERY TURN. Just saying. Don't hate on me.  
**

**OMG Family guy episode that was on in England had an Robert Pattinson picture in Meg's room. ehfoshfkjhsfkjh**

**Right now, I am in emotional distress, I was having exams at the time of MTV movie awards, I recorded it MTV are such tards the show wasn't on just music. I broke down, it didn't reshow it and now I can't find it anywhere. LUSH! Dam you MTV. Dam you all! :D  
**

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**EPOV**

My poor Isabella was crying, how I hated the sight. It led to a shot of pain in my heart.

_She isn't ours!_

_She is, she will be you know it. _

_She isn't, Tanya isn't cheating you're just a coward. _

"Edward, I feel better. Just need a weep, to let it out." She smiled, I didn't buy it, not one little bit.

I looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Fine, Bella." I'll find out what is wrong with her.

"Thanks for being here." She smiled at me.

"I always will be." I reassured her. I will travel half around the world just to see her smile.

_Quit this you fool!_

_NO! See that is love go half across the world for her. _

"Goodnight, Edward." She waved goodbye to me, I painfully stepped out of the car, and I hated leaving her especially whilst she cried.

I waved back at her, I could see those warm chocolate eyes looking at me whilst tears consumed them.

I went into my car waiting for Bella to leave before me I never trusted old rusty and I knew my inkling about the car was right her car wasn't starting at all I sat there for about ten minutes whilst she tried to restart that piece of shit of a truck. Why did she keep it for so long? Did it have sentimental value because Jacob owned it? I always hated how close they were.

_Who cares? You have Tanya. _

_Imagine if she ends up married to Jacob having his children._

_You have Tanya, who cares?_

After about ten minutes of her agonising attempts I decided to help her I knew she wouldn't give in for ages yet so she wouldn't seek my help. I knocked on her door. "Bells. Let me guess rusty has failed?" I laughed through the door.

"Yes." She hung her head down.

"Come on Bella, I'll drop you off home." I smiled.

As soon as she goes into the car she was beaming "What are you smiling at?" She had such a beautiful smile

"The Volvo, it is black." She beamed at me

_That smile has nothing on Tanya's I mean perfect._

_It is called fake teeth nothing is real about her, not like Bella. _

_Nonsense. _

"And you find that funny?" I laughed. Bella was so weird, in a nice way and she defiantly was unique.

"I don't know." She confessed.

"You're a character and a half, Miss. Swan." I laughed.

As I drove her home, we talked, we laughed and we absolutely enjoyed each other's company. The love I felt around her was indescribable. Then I finally dropped her off, I didn't want to leave her.

"Edward, do you want to come in for a drink?" She asked me.

_Yes! _

_No! _

_Yes!_

_No!_

"I couldn't possibly invade on your privacy." I couldn't go in, I couldn't spend time with Bella it would make things so much harder.

"You saved me, you of right now are my knight in shiny armour." She let out a devious smirk.

_Sexy._

_No, that is wrong._

"Is that right Lady Swan, are you my damsel in distress." I let out a laugh and tried my English accent.

"Lord Cullen however can I repay you?" She leant in and held my jacket, and pulled him into the house I didn't reject. In fact I am so happy that she led me in.

_Sexy._

_Is that all you're thinking of tonight. Shameful._

_Only human. It isn't like you're not in love._

_No you're not in love. _

"This is weird Bella." I let a nervous laugh. This was seriously getting creepy and we were getting so close.

"It was it was very creepy also the English accent it sucks." She laughed at me.

"Hey, my Dad is English. I can do a cracking English accent if you ask me." I folded my arms pretending to be offended. What a childish thing to do.

"Whatever you want to think Cullen. Whatever you want to think." She playfully laughed at me. "Do you want a drink?" She asked as she as she disappeared into the kitchen.

"Yes some wine would be nice."

"Which one, red or white? Don't go all posh wine with me Lord Cullen I am not rich." This was going to carry on all night, Lord Cullen and Lady Swan.

_Sounds like you're a perfect match. _

"Well Lady Swan either would be perfect." I was still using that English accent, I could hear her laughing from the kitchen.

"Okay. Red it is." She walked in. Silence fell upon us, the playfulness of about two minutes ago evaporated.

"Edward, is something wrong?" She can read me like a book, she knew something was wrong, she always knew and she will always know.

I didn't reply. I didn't want to say something I'll regret. Like tell her I am torn, tell her that I am sure she loves me but she won't admit it. I downed a few glasses of wine I could see my inhibitions slipping then the words slipped out of my mouth. "Tanya that is the issue." I confessed.

"What is wrong with Tanya?" She asked.

"I think she is cheating." I sighed, and I felt a tear leave my eye. I wasn't sure if the tear was for Tanya cheating or the fact that I couldn't be with Bella, I couldn't dump my problems on her.

"Are you sure?" She asked me.

_No you're paranoid because you have these feelings for Bella. Which are wrong, I may remind you. _

_Course she is, you know it. This your chance for you and Bella. Take it never let it go._

"Almost, I mean she is always at a friend's house." I said in inverted commas. "I mean she doesn't tell me where she is going." Then I started cry, but these tears weren't for just Tanya it was for the fact that I felt them both especially Bella slipping from me.

She wiped his tears away from my cheek she was so loving towards me. "Oh Edward, you poor thing." She kept wiping away my tears. "She doesn't know how lucky she is." Bella is lying, I mean for years I ached for her before I met Tanya she showed me no sign of interest.

"I don't think so." I sighed. "I am not good enough for anyone."

"Yes you are." She told me, but I wasn't. I was treating Bella like a back up and I felt like I was cheating on Tanya, if Tanya wasn't cheating I've been leading her on whilst secretly harbouring for Bella. They were only highlighted recently again when she told me she loved me of sorts, therefore is it my fault?

"How do you know? How do you know that if someone out there loves me, like I thought she loved me?" I growled.

"I love you. That is how I know, because I love you, so much that it hurts."

Bella loves me? This isn't possible, all these years. When did this begin? Did she love me after I kissed her? Oh no, I led her on or this could be a joke, please be a joke. I pulled away from her. "Bella. Really? I was so confused.

"Yes." So it was a joke. "YES. YES. I have for so long and I won't let her hurt you, can't you see that?" Oh, it wasn't a joke.

I went on auto pilot somehow I let my body and my heart take control rather than my mind. I moved closer to her I leant down on top of her so she lying under me. Then her lips came closer to mine, we were looking at each other's eyes our noses lightly brushed, our lips coming so close.

"Oh Bella." I whispered. "Beautiful Isabella. How I've dreamed about you." That was no lie, I did dream about her, I did ever so often. This felt like a teenage dreams I've had. These dreams started in University and they still happen to date even when I was with Tanya which is a total of nine years. We were so close, this was going to be my first _real _kiss with Bella Swan and I was planning to savour every single moment of it.

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**I am evil, with the cliffhanger. I always give cliffhangers. **

**Now, do you want Bella and Edward to have a simple ride to love or one full of turmoil making them realise how much they love eachother?**

**You'll find out if Tanya is cheating soon. **

**The entrance of Jacob soon = more drama, more angst and more emotion. **

**Review (:  
**

**Enjoy. **

**Gina. **

**Follow me on Twitter type in Gina_Kaur you'll find me (:  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**I was ill today so I had more time. **

**I don't want abuse from people, in their reviews, if you are have the courage to not have it anonymously it upsets me, why must we spread hate? **

**It is Fanfiction it is supposed to make you happy escapism not hate and anger.  
**

**I hope you enjoy it.  
**

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**BPOV**

Our lips were so close. His mouth moved closer then they touched, they fused together. I kissed Edward Cullen, I am kissing Edward, Edward kissed me, and Edward was kissing _me. _The kiss was desperate, needy full of hunger and passion.

Suddenly he pulled away from me. He sat up and straightened himself up. "Sorry Bella." He apologised.

"Sorry?" I asked. Here came the rejection.

"I can't use you, I can't hurt you Bella. I can't, I won't." He told me running his fingers through his bronze hair in frustration.

"You're not using me. I know what I am doing, Edward." I reassured him.

"You love me, don't you?" He asked me again.

_Say you're drunk that you don't know what you were talking about._

_Stick by it Bella don't wimp out now. _

"Yes." I confessed. "Why do you want to hear it more?" I cried. "The more I say it, the more it hurts." I sobbed more then I wiped the tears away.

He put his arm around me, pulled me closer to him so that my head was resting on his shoulder. "Is is ok Bella." He stroked my hair lovingly. "It is all going to be ok." He told me softly.

"No it isn't." I argued softly, not raising my voice not wake Charlie.

"Yes it Bella." He whimpered, I felt a tear fall on my cheek. It was his tear.

"You said you dreamed of me." I was still crying, I've spent too much time crying over him, it had to stop, and I had to stop.

"I have for many years, for so many years."

"But...you can't have." I told him. "It is impossible, I am plain Jane Bella Swan. You don't have to lie to make me feel better." I told him.

"I am not lying." He growled. "You've got some serious self confidence issues." Great another Edward Cullen mood swing.

"Self confidence issues?" I sigh. "Look Edward, I am giving you my shattered heart here you can either give it back and let me fix it or mend it yourself."

"Why are you giving it now, at the most inconvenient time possible?" He asked outraged.

"I never could say it, you were always with someone else." I told him.

"I am now." His voice calmed down. "When I tried to tell you, you were sucking face with _Jacob Black_." The disdain in his voice was apparent.

**EPOV **

Jacob Black, I despised him, he was close to Bella that day I was ready but then he crushed it, mongrel. I remember that day the break up with Kate or was it Heidi, I can't even remember that is little they meant to me. It sounded awful in fact I sounded vile.

I saw Bella that summer walking around the house all happy enjoying the summer after her first year in college. The butterflies exploded in my gut. Bella wasn't little Isabella Swan it wasn't wrong for me to look at her in that way though Alice would never forgive me. She'd hate me.

"_Edward, Bella is coming tonight so no eavesdropping on our girls' talk." Alice laughed at me. _

"_Look I really don't want to know what you're talking about." I reassured. "I really don't." Bella was here tonight, I broke up with Kate and I was going to tell her that I couldn't stop thinking about her. That she possessed my every thought. That I was a love sick puppy for her. _

"_Good. I hope she is over that Mike now." Alice sighed. "I can't listen to her cry about him anymore!" How could any man break Bella's heart? If I had her heart I'd treasure it, look after it, and care for it. I wanted her heart, she already had mine. Though she was oblivious to the fact._

"_Good. I never liked him." I growled. _

"_Edward." Alice smirked. "Do you have a thing for Bella?" She asked me she was catching up she was going to find out. I couldn't let her know without knowing how Bella felt. _

_As I was pretty certain she felt nothing for me I couldn't tell Alice. "No!" I retorted. "In a sister way, gosh Alice." I lied. _

"_Ok, I was only asking." She smiled then left the room. _

_That day, I was counting the hours till I could tell her how I feel. Then I heard the sound of a motorbike revving. I walked out of my house, only to see that Jacob, Jacob Black is on the motorbike with Bella holding his waist. I stood there with my fists clenched in anger. Then Bella took off her helmet her mahogany hair blew in the wind. The cliché is true the way her hair was through the wind. _

_Alice pushed past me running to her. "BELLA!" She screamed. _

_Bella then took Jacob into an embrace, then she kissed him passionately. I growled through my teeth no one heard me. If anything Jacob was more like a brother than I was, he was younger by about a year and he knew her since birth I was the brother of the best friend. How could this be happening? _

_Their kiss should've been my kiss. She should be kissing me, the kiss only reminded me of the night which I kissed her that made the pain so much worse. No matter what happens I'd still have her first kiss, though no matter what happens she'll have my heart. _

That pain of seeing her with _him _hit me again.

"What are you trying to say?" Bella asked.

"I did love you or so I thought." I tried to explain but there are no words, nothing can be said to formulate what I wanted to say.

"I don't understand you." She let a little laugh.

"I don't understand myself half of the time." I let out a little laugh, but then I had to get back to the serious business. "Bella, I love Tanya though I do have feelings for you." I admitted.

_Leading her on, you idiot. _

_You have a chance, you can be together. _

"Confusion, I do understand I don't want to make this hard for you." Bella understood, she understood me, why did she put up with my crap, my confusion.

Bella moved her head from my shoulders, her chocolate eyes burned into my soul. I don't know if it was the alcohol or my heart or the sexual tension or the growing bulge in pants, but I attacked Bella's lips again. She was laid under me, Bella and I, was about to go from much further than kissing and I didn't want to stop.

Bella unbuttoned my shirt and she took it off then chucking it on the floor I started to undress Bella, Bella started to unbuckle my belt whilst our lips were still fused together she moved her legs around my waist straddling me. I was about to free Bella from her bra in a moment of pure passion and lust, once I have never experinced with any other woman.

Then the front door opened, I looked up to find three men with shocked faces looking at our compromising position. Charlie, her Father the anger in his eyes, his best friend Billy Black with him eyes firmly shut probably trying to erase the image from his memory and _Jacob Black _he was fuming his eyes held so much anger, his teeth clenched.

Bella quickly removed herself from under me, she picked up her T-shirt put it on, her cheeks aflame in embarrassment. How could I explain to them, a man getting married in two months is found with his sister's best friend in a highly compromising position? I was in the shit.

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**Quite short I know, I have a good lenthy chapter planned for the next one honest.**

**Past a 100 reviews. YIPEE!  
**

**I am not that good at lemons any tips feel free to leave them in a review. **

**Please review, you know how I love reviews. I would like to reach a 135 but I am getting abuse for wanting reviews. **

**Also what role do you want Jacob to play the jilted ex or the friend. **

**I am a Jacob Fan BTW but obviously I don't get emotional about it, it is only fiction. **

**Reviews get a TEASER, next chapter is going to be quite explosive.**

**Update in about a week.  
**

**Gina  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN this chapter did take longer than normal. I've had a busy week and it is only ready now as I am ill...again. **

**Hope you like it.  
**

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**EPOV**

I was literally caught with my pants down, Bella scramming to get away from me and re-cloth herself. I stood up to face them then attempting to walk my pants fell down, I quickly put them on. There was silence for a few moments, probably from shock. Then it was broken.

"GET OFF OF MY DAUGHTER!" Charlie yelled at me, they must have gone fishing but getting back at this time? Bella really should've told me.

"Technically I am no longer on your daughter." Oh no why do I always sound so smug in arguments?

"Think you're smart Cullen?" Charlie spoke with conviction, then pointed to Bella. "I thought I raised you better than this, Isabella." He never used her whole name, unless she was in the shit.

"Dad..." Bella attempted to explain herself.

"There is no way you can redeem yourself, you knew, you do know what is going to happen in a month?" Neither Bella nor I responded just hung her heads low, looking ashamed. "He's getting married!"

"Well she knows that!" I replied without thinking, I sounded so smug.

_Great Cullen going to get yourself killed by the chief of police.  
_  
"You know what Cullen? You can't treat my daughter like a whore!" Charlie yelled, I swear his screams could wake up the dead, the anger the conviction in his voice was like nothing I've heard Charlie come out with in all the time I've known him.

"It isn't like I forced her." I defended myself.

I saw Jacob there in the door way growling, his nostrils flared, fists clenched his teeth gritted. "I AM GOING TO GET YOU CULLEN!" He screamed.

"What?" I replied. "You? The mongrel is going to get me. You can flex your muscles but come on, you're never going to beat me." I smirked.

"Really?" He smirked. "I'd love to see you try." He laughed at me.

"Stop it." Bella interrupted.

"Stay out of it, Bella." We both said in unison.

"It is my business. Now stop acting like pubescent boys and act like the grown mature men I thought you were."

"It is fine Bella, I won't hurt him too much." Jacob laughed.

He wanted a fight. He'll get a fight. "You're a scared little boy Jacob I bet your child could give me a better fight, you'll never be able to take me on." I taunted him, I was certain he'll never launch at me, especially not in front of Bella though I was about to be proven extremely wrong.

Before I knew it Jacob Black launched at me, getting ready for a fight. "Oh I can beat you mate!" Jacob laughed.

He went for a punch in my face and I am ashamed to say he hit his target I knew I was going to be left with a black eye tomorrow. I quickly punched him back in the cheek, before he kneed me in the abdomen. Man that hurts. Then I heard Bella's screaming and crying begging us to stop, but neither of us did. I then pushed him into the coffee table and the glass underneath him smashed.

Then I heard Charlie shout. "You're going to pay for my table Cullen."

I then let out a laugh, "What 12 dollars." Yet again Smugward rears his ugly head.

Out of disbelief Jacob got up and then punched me in the jaw, and then I heard a crack sound. Shit. If have I broken anything, Tanya is going to ask especially if I come home like this.

_Why does it matter? It is over._

_No it isn't. _

Bella then jumped in front of Jacob before I was going to land another punch at his ugly face. "Stop." She cried. I caused Bella tears, guilt washed over me. Though I couldn't help feeling this incredible amount of hurt she jumped in front of Jacob. Not me.

I felt so angry. "Just because you can _never _have her." I told Jacob.

His eyes snapped to me, then let out a smirk. "I have a wife her name is Leah and a son his name is Harry with another one on the way, I am a good guy too therefore you won't find me on top of my _best friend_." He then walked out taking Billy Black with him, slamming the door behind them.

Charlie stood there in silence, and then just told me "You better leave Cullen." I left that moment, picking up my remaining clothes, I could feel blood trickling down my face. I was in pain but most of it was not physical pain it was emotional I was so clueless of what to do.

_Bella._

_Tanya._

_Bella. _

_Tanya._

_Bella._

What was I going to do? I went into my car and slammed my head against the steering wheel.

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**BPOV**

Edward then left. I could see the disappointment in Charlie's eyes it was worse than anger to me, he would get over it quickly but disappointment I felt I let him down. He stood there motionless in silence, I walked into the kitchen to gather a broom to clean up the smashed glass.

As I started to clean it up, Charlie was still in his frozen position. "You better get upstairs, I'll deal with this. I can't even look at you right now." He told me in a monotone.

Those words hurt. I've lost everyone, I was losing everyone. I went up to my room in tears, I heard my Dad on the phone afterwards, he's probably told Sue Clearwater but what would it matter? Jacob would tell Leah and then Sue would find out from her daughter anyhow.

I lay in my bed crying tears into my pillow I was distraught. Finally I heard Charlie's footsteps going up the stairs, I thought he was going to pass my room, that moment I heard him stop outside my door. He just stood out there for minutes before he finally entered.

He sat on the foot of my bed. "Bells."

"Yes." I cried.

"Why?" He asked me.

"You wouldn't understand. I was an awful person, I am horrid. Awful." I told him. "I am just like mum aren't I?" I cried. I still cried over what she did. Why did she leave Dad and I, he was too good for her anyhow, she didn't deserve him.

"DON'T EVER SAY THAT ISABELLA!" He shouted.

"Yes I am, I am just a home wrecking whore." I cried.

"No you're not, he isn't married now. I've seen for years the way you look at him. I am not blind Bella." He told me. He knew this whole time. He can't have.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied.

"You love him don't you? He knows it and he took advantage of it." Charlie sighed. "I mean you're Bella. You even though you don't want to admit it let people walk all over you."

"I don't!" I defended myself.

"You're not denying that you love him." He observed.

"Fine I do but I am just as guilty." I told him.

"Did he promise you anything?" Charlie asked. I didn't understand what he was saying. I lifted my head from the pillow then looked at him. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Did he say anything like he love you, how he wanted to be with you." He clarified

"Yes." I confessed.

"What did he say?" Charlie asked looking furious.

"That he dreamed of me, for years. That he was in love with me, that he has feelings for me that he has for years but when he finally had the courage to do so that I was with Jacob. How that ate him up inside and that he though Tanya was cheating and how well he implied that we had a chance." Tears fell freely from my face, when I said it out loud I realised what a bunch of nonsense this all was, that everything he was saying to me was a lie. That I was nothing but a rebound for him, that I would never be the one.

_No he loves you, it is true don't give up._

_He feels nothing move on quickly and forget he ever existed. _

"No one. Not anyone treats my Bella like that." He sighed. "I mean you wore your heart on your sleeve and he took advantage of it, of you."

"Dad, there is no point now." I wiped the tears off of my cheek.

"No point?" Charlie asked me rhetorically, I knew I wasn't supposed to answer. "He treated you like a piece of meat like a cheap girl with no morals!"

"What can you do?" I asked Charlie.

"Tell his soon to be wife, what I caught him doing with my daughter." Charlie stood up and was about to walk out of the door.

"NO!" I shouted at him he turned round. "You can't he'll hate me, he'll never forgive me." I cried. "I don't want to lose him forever." I begged Charlie. "Please, Dad. It already hurts so much."

"I've already made my mind up." He said in a monotone then left.

About 2 minutes later I heard the phone ring, Charlie answered then started talking for about 10 minutes, I am sure I heard Edward and my name being muttered through the phone.

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**EPOV**

I went for a long drive before I returned home, when I returned home I went straight for an ice pack. Boy was I in pain but now that I think of it I deserved it. I kept continuously breaking Bella's heart. It was only 11 and the whole house was dead silent.

Was it incredibly childish of me to want my Dad to give me some stitches and see if I've had some serious damage to my jaw?

That moment I heard a car approaching the drive, Dad had come back from his shift. I remained in the kitchen, he'd start asking questions where I got these bruises and cuts. Unlucky for me the first thing he did do was go into the kitchen. I sat there in the dark kitchen with an ice pack. When my Dad turned the lights on, I saw him jump.

"Edward, what are you doing here." He asked me.

"Just thinking." I murmured.

He then gave me a closer look leaning into my face then gasped. "Edward what happened to your face?"

"Just tripped." I lied.

" Ok, well your underneath your eyes don't need stitches." He sighed. "I swear sometimes I wonder if you're 28 or 12." He let out a little laugh.

"Do I need any stitches or anything like that?" I snapped trying to get to the point, tonight was not the night to have a joke around with the Dad.

"No need to snap you just _fell._" He knew, of course he'll know, no one not anyone would end up like this from falling over, he must think I was in some bar brawl, he handed me a glass of water.

"Ok, I confess it was a bar brawl." I lied, it was no confession.

He sighed whilst I was drinking then asked me. "So it has nothing to do with one Bella Swan?" When he said those words I spat my drink out in surprise. I gave him a confused look, then he said to me. "You think the Chief doesn't talk especially when he is telling me to forbid his son from seeing his daughter."

"You can't forbid me from doing anything I am 28!" I argued, no one, not ever will stop me from seeing Bella.

"Hush your mouth. You're going to wake your Mother. I never said I was but Edward you shouldn't tell girls that you once loved them or that you dreamed of them when you're getting married in little more than a month."

"I don't need a lecture from you. Hasn't it become obvious to you that Tanya is cheating?"

"Not really have you ever considered you're making up the situation to give yourself an excuse for your actions with Bella?"

_See your Dad is right! You were making it up._

_No he is wrong, she is cheating. Don't let him tell me you're mad. _

"I considered it but she is never here now, looks suspicious." I told him.

"Well regardless of what she has done, two wrongs don't make a right." My Father lectured me, he was speaking to me if I was 5 years old when Alice broke my toy car so I tore off her Barbie dolls head.

"I guess so." I hung my head low, he was right though. If I went through that with Bella I would be just as bad as Tanya.

"I am right. Don't worry plenty of people have gone through this. My recommendation is that you talk to Bella establish your feelings _don't _give her false hope but be kind then find out whether Tanya is cheating on you." My Father smiled then left the room.

"Who has gone through this crap, it came so easy for Emmett and Rosalie." I sighed.

"I know somebody who did go through this and he is extremely happy with his choice." He gave a sly smirk then walked away. I sat there for moments wondering what he meant by it, then it hit me. He meant himself? I wonder who Mum was. Was she his Bella or was she his Tanya?

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**I hope you like it. **

**Please review (: Also I would love to thank all my reviewers who have never failed to review. They mean so much to me. **

**I am ill so I have to wait till next week to see Eclipse *slams head against desk***

**Reviews get a teaser, I couldn't make a cliff hanger on this one. **

**Edward and Bella will have a heated conversation whilst they're sober. **

**You will find out very soon if Tanya is cheating. **

**I've made this longer then any of my previous chapters.**

**Review please :D **

**Gina  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer. I own nothing characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.  
**

**Hope you like it. **

**EPOV **

My Dad knew, I knew Alice knew, Charlie knew, Jacob knew, Billy knew and I am sure my Mother knows now too. It was so much harder to keep this thing a secret.

I had to follow a plan, draw up the pros and the cons of it all. I was a man based on organisation and plans, I was never the one to jump feet first this is probably why I never got round to telling Bella how I felt; she was incredibly shy, that was her reason why she never told me.

It was midday on a Tuesday it had been a few days since my slip up with Bella, things were awkward. Bella was on limited talking terms with Alice, wouldn't go out whenever she asked. I had this feeling that Alice knew because every time she looked at me it was with daggers.

I started to draw a plan. I was starting to wonder whether it was worth it.

_Wow. All this effort for her. Waste of time. _

_She is worth it. _

I sat there. Today was Tuesday. Today at 5 I will call Bella, we will there arrange a day to talk, I was free this weekend we will arrange a place in private to talk. We will talk about this situation, talk it out and establish what will happen. In fact I have no idea; maybe during this conversation we will realise we feel nothing for each other. Oh how I hope.

_If you don't want to love her then you don't! _

_Can't you see it? You're supposed to be. _

Then after that I plan to figure out whether Tanya is cheating on me. I tried to plan these events in detail only to find this was practically impossible. I had to face the fact that this was an event impossible to plan. I was frustrated with things that don't go to plan.

I was wasting my time till 5, I even attempted to note down what exactly I would say to Bella another useless waste of time. Then after 5 scripts listing so many possibilities in which she would say, I gave up. Then I looked to the clock to realise it was half past 5.

My plan was already ruined. I lifted up my phone then selected Bella, my fingers lingered over the call button. I took a breath and finally pushed the button. I waited anxiously, every second felt like a minute, I was expecting no answer and then when I was finally about to give up, I heard her soft voice on the other end of the phone. "Edward." She sighed softly.

"Bella, we need to talk." I told her firmly, I couldn't get all emotional, I had a plan and I had to stick to it.

"Ok." She sounded so timid on the phone, so shy, so sweet, she sounded like my Bella.

"I am available this weekend." I told her.

"Well, Charlie is with Sue this Saturday so would that be ok?"

"Yes that would be fine, Isabella." I told her, formally. I was trying to not be emotional. I hung up on her.

**BPOV **

These past days have been awful, I've avoided Alice yet again. I was abusing our friendship, I knew that; I was being a terrible friend to her. Charlie gave me the cold shoulder, he hardly spoke to me unless it was necessary, then yesterday he suddenly decided it was time for me to move out; I was alienating people because of Edward. I had to stop abusing other important relationships because of him.

Then for Edward to talk to me so coldly like I was nothing but a quick lay or a one night stand coming back to haunt me, or like a colleague somebody who has no importance to him but have to put up with them whether they like it or not.

I agreed Saturday to talk with Edward. I was preparing for heartbreak beyond belief. Of course Tanya wouldn't be cheating she is far too perfect for that. Tanya was a perfect in every single way, I bet she was secretly feeding the masses but she was so modest she wouldn't tell anyone. One day Edward will follow find out, feel terrible for doubting her then fall in love with her even more.

The odds were against me. They always were, Tanya had deep blue eyes like the ocean whilst I had dull brown eyes. Tanya had long flowing blonde hair; I had boring brown hair which was just generally a mess without any thing to do with me. She was beautiful, I was not. I was plain Jane, of course that night Edward said something different but it was something called beer goggles.

The days dragged on, I put minimal effort into work doing the minimum I could not wanting to try anymore, I was sick of trying it never got me anywhere. I was always pushed about, forgotten about on the sidelines at work most people didn't even care about my work because it was shoved so far in the corner no one probably read it.

The week was terrible, I was so prepared for heartbreak but I also knew that after this I would have to move on with my life, not sticking in this town which I hate. Edward and my friends were the only reason I stayed but I couldn't stick around. I had to move forward with my life.

I looked at jobs in Seattle, I mean it wasn't too far, Alice's boyfriend lived there so there was a chance that she would move there too, so actually it was pretty convenient. I looked around for jobs at papers there and some apartments. I knew after Saturday it would be heartbreak it would be the push I needed. I had to look at the positive side of this situation though it seemed like a pretty bleak situation, maybe just maybe I could move on with my life.

Then before I knew it Saturday arrived. It was the day of reckoning, the day in which I would have my heart shattered. We were going to talk about our situation sober for the first time.

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**EPOV**

Tonight was the night, this week had been laborious, the days dragged and dragged some more. Tanya was here more often, though the sight of her now left a sick feeling in my stomach. I couldn't think of someone else touching her.

_That is because you still love her, fool. _

I did love Tanya, I knew that much but it doesn't mean I didn't love Bella. Of course I loved her too. It made things more difficult. Whenever I looked at Tanya I felt guilt too, what if Tanya was doing nothing?

_Of course she is. _

I promised myself to be sober, the last time I made the worst of decisions. I decided to drive. I was lucky in the fact no one got hurt but as a doctor you see so many people who've lost their lives to such stupid things and you promise yourself to never act like that, but Bella was clouding my judgement. I couldn't function around her properly. She wasn't good for my health.

The time was drawing closer. My Dad returned home, with a smile on his face. "Hello Son." He smiled. "Where are you going?"

"Bella's. I am following your plan." I told him.

"You can't plan these things. You've spent your life depending on plans needing to make them, there are just some things you can't plan." He lectured me.

"So who was Mum?" I asked.

He let out a smirk. "I've got no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes you do, tell me."

"All I know was that I am very happy, and that you Mother how people put it is 'the one'. That is what you kids call it." He smiled.

"Couldn't you just tell me who she is?" I begged, hoping that this would influence my decision.

"This is your life, son. Not mine. Time to pave your own way." He then walked off. Thanks, Dad. Great help, if I knew what his decision was then I would have probably gone in a similar route.

I was suddenly filled up with butterflies, I need some courage. I need some Russian courage. I only had a glass, I didn't want to go over the limit. I couldn't risk it.

I was hoping Charlie wouldn't intervene, well this time we wouldn't end up in a highly compromising position. Will we? I couldn't be sure, Bella clouds up my judgement. I've started getting drunk on just pure Bella.

I drove in the car, in pure silence no music, just thoughts of Bella. I saw her chocolate eyes in my mind, I heard her laugh, I could smell her smell, I could feel her touch on my cheek and taste her lips she was consuming every thought of mine and she took over each of the senses that I've had.

I parked in her drive, the walk to her door felt like the one to a court. I was going be trialled my feelings for my Bella and my feelings for Tanya. Was it love? Was it cold feet?

I had no idea. I waited at her door and she opened it looking beautiful, every time I came close to Bella in a moment of passion or love, I was drunk. I never got to look at her with loving eyes before and her beauty was even more intense than I ever realised.

"Hello." She let out a small smile and welcomed me in. I was ready to tell her, that I care for her, but it was a drunken accident but somehow seeing her makes it impossible to say it, when I saw her, I realised it wasn't a mistake at all that I wanted it and I wanted her.

**BPOV **

His eyes shone into mine, he sat down on the sofa. He didn't say anything. I broke the silence. "I love you." Ok that was a big statement to come out with.

"Are you sure?" He asked me. I took the seat next to him. "I mean this could all be temporary."

I was going to lay all my cards on the table. "I have I am 100% sure. I've been in love with you for 9 years since I was 16." I tried not to cry. Then I cried.

"Bella, please." He sighed.

"It hurts so much. It hurts so much." I cried. "I feel awful and to know you don't love me back." I shot up from the chair and so did he we stood in the living room facing each other our eyes deadlocked. "Then there is Tanya..." I started.

"You're not being fair, Bella?" He shouted at me combing his fingers through his hair in frustration, another Edward Cullen mood swing.

"FAIR? What's that supposed to mean?" I shouted at him. "You think it is easy for me to see you with her?" I asked him.

"No." He sighed. "You've got to realise that I can't commit fully to Tanya, knowing you're there, that you've got these feelings towards me!"

"WHY?" I asked him, what difference does it make to him?

"Because," He sighed defeated, I gave him a glare waiting for the answer he paced up and down the room. The house was empty, Charlie was gone with Sue for the evening he could say anything. "I love you!" He confessed then slouched on the floor.

"You what?" I gasped.

"Don't pretend you didn't know, but I love Tanya you're making this hard for me!"

"You love me." I cried even more. "That isn't possible." I sighed.

"When I drove away to University I saw your face and then I knew it."

I knelt down to face him. "This isn't possible, that was the moment I knew I loved you." A smiled escaped my lips, he loved me.

I moved closer to his face our eyes deadlocked again then his lips attacked mine. "Oh Bella, I hope we don't get caught this time." He moaned between kisses.

"Same."

"Then let's take this upstairs." He smiled. I was ready to comply.

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**Reviews get a teaser. **

**Thinking lemon next time, I really can't write them so tips in any reviews would be helpful. Thank update will take a little longer because I will be trying to perfect it, I think so tips would help.  
**

**Virgin Bella? Hmmm I don't views?  
**

**Longest chapter due to demand.  
**

**The chapter after next you will find out whether Tanya is cheating. **

**Gina.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer. I own nothing characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**OMG. I am the worlds worst lemon writer. I know I can write it but when I write it, it sounds wrong and I feel all odd. Please don't give me hate mail. Please.  
**

**Hope you like it. **

**BPOV**

**

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**_I moved closer to his face our eyes deadlocked again then his lips attacked mine. "Oh Bella, I hope we don't get caught this time." He moaned between kisses._

_"Same."_

_"Then let's take this upstairs." He smiled. I was ready to comply._

I wrapped my legs around his waist, his lips attacked mine. That moment I couldn't think whether I wanted this or not, I didn't care about the outside world it was just him and I. We were in a world of our own.

When he arrived in my room, I could him laugh into my mouth.

When we entered Edward didn't waste time in his passion he almost ripped off all mo clothing, whereas with me I was far more nervous with shaking hands I unbuttoned his shirt, it was clear to see that he was growing impatient with me, when he pulled my hands away and undressed himself.

"Sorry, Bella." He apologised when he realised I was hurt that he seemed to not want my touch.

"It is ok."

Once he laid me on the bed, he placed himself inbetween my legs; he kissed and sucked my collor bone lightly making his way up neck to finally reach my lips.

His hands lightly travelled down my body. I was nervous, what if I was bad?

_Oh gosh he'd reject me then. _

When his fingers touched my core, I squirmed. This time I knew I was going to go the full way and it was so different to all the other times.

His eyes looked into mine.

"Bella." Edward sighed.

"Whats wrong Edward?" I asked him, I knew what he was going to ask.

"Are you a virgin?" He asked me.

I went bright red, I knew it. "Yes." I admitted it.

"You're a 25 year old virgin!"

"Yes. Is that bad?" I suddenly became self conscious, did he think I was ugly now? Would he reject me.

"I just can't believe it. You're not celibate and no one would turn you down in the right mind. I can't take it from you."

He was going to reject me. "Please Edward don't feel bad, I know you won't hurt me or treat me like a **. I've waited for you."

"Me? But why?" He asked me.

"Because I love you and only you." I told him.

"Woah, that is a lot of pressure." He sighed.

"Look it is ok, this is what I want. Or do you not want this?" I couldn't believe it, Edward was going to reject me for sex whilst we're naked and he is right inbetween my legs.

"Well I sure do." He smiled. "Have you seen this." He said, highlighting what looks like an almost painful erection.

"I want to do it too." I told him. "Can you be gentle?" I asked him.

"As gentle as I can be." He smiled with a glint in his eye.

_Back on track. _

He positioned his erection at my entrance he carefully went deeper trying not to make it not hurt too much for me. I knew Edward hadn't taken a girls virginity in either as very long time or ever. I got impatient I wanted to get to the good part.

"Edward, just do it." I told him and that he did, he then thrust into me with force, breaking my barrier. I lost my virginity to Edward Cullen, it sounded much better than Mike Newton.

"Oh. Bella!" He moaned as he thrust into me again.

He went slower allowing me to adjust to him, he was big. His paced quickened and quickened, the pain soon disappared and was replaced by pleasure. "Edward, oh god." I moaned.

"That is it Bella. It feels so good." he grunted. Pleasure was overtaking both of us.

He reached down inbetween our bodies and he gently with his finger circled my clit causing me to moan even more. "Oh god. That feels so good." I moaned.

"Bella, I'm gonna cum, cum with me."

And I did just that with a loud moan.

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I woke up that morning to the sun hitting my face, last night felt surreal. In fact, I wasn't sure whether what happened was real. When I turned to the side and realise no one was there; I was all alone. His clothes weren't there either, I looked at myself undercovers; I was naked and my clothes were all sprawled out on the floor.

Then it hit me, either I've had a really vivd dream or he realised it was me, then ran off.

Then a smell hit me, it was of Bacon cooking. It couldn't have been Charlie, it could only be Sue or Edward.

He may have stayed and made me breakfast, I tried to not get hopes up. I quickly changed into some old T-shirts and some sweats. I couldn't contain the joy is he stayed, if he stayed with me.

_Bella it might not be him, don't get your hopes up. _

I did. I ran down the stairs like a child on christmas and walked into the kitchen.

He was there. Edward stayed.

"Hello sleepy head." He smiled at me.

"Hey." I blushed.

"Too late to be shy, Bella." He laughed.

"I know, what is for breakfast?" I smiled.

"BLT." He smiled.

"I love it, my favourite."

"I know." He gave the plate and kissed me. "Like I'd forget your favourite breakfast."

"Thank you." I blushed again. "How do I repay you?" I asked.

"Another kiss?"

"Happily." I then kissed him lightly on the lips. "Is that good enough?"

"No." He laughed. "I think you can do better than that, now put that plate on the table."

I did as he commanded. I put the plate down and passionatley kissed him, with all my heart. I was full of glee, he chose to stay, make me breakfast and kiss me.

"Now, that is much better." He smiled.

He sat with me on the small dining table in the kitched, we spent the whole of breakfast talking, we didn't mention anything sad I think we both were happy, we laughed and smiled. Then he got up in a rush. "Oh Bells. I got work." He sighed. "I've got to go and get changed too, I don't want to smell like sex when I go to work."

"Ok." I smiled.

He gave me a kiss on the cheek before running out of the door.

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**Reviews get a teaser. **

**It isn't all dandy as this chapter may lead you to think.  
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**I know this one is short.  
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**What is Edward's thoughts on his last night with Bella?  
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**Next chapter you will find out whether Tanya is cheating. **

**Gina.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer. I own nothing characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Sorry I didn't get teasers out, I have had some personal things and well I am sorry. **

**Thank you to Aniseed my beta. I think this chapter is the best one I've had so far due to her.  
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What have I done?

_BELLA! That's what you've done._

I'd given her false hope; I felt awful. I had to get carried away, I hope Tanya is cheating on me. I can't believe I was thinking this, hoping that my fiancé was cheating on me.

_That is because you love Bella! _

_That is because you want to hide your guilt. You cheated on her, you should beg for forgiveness - if she was ever to find out..._

It only hit me then. If she was cheating wouldn't I just deserve it? I sure did.

When I arrived home, everyone seemed preoccupied which meant that I could easily creep in, change, get washed and leave for my lunch date with Tanya. I can't believe I was going to follow her; surely this was going too far? I felt like a creepy stalker but I had to know, I just had to know.

Unfortunately I was not aware that Emmett was visiting. I was sneakily attempting to get up in to my room when I heard him boom from the bottom of the staircase. "Eddie! You look rough," He laughed, "rough night?"

I had to play it cool so I laughed. "You can say that again." I quickly ran up the stairs to get ready for my lunch date. It was only 10 but she had to planned to meet in Seattle where she spends most of her time, and it is a two hour drive.

I was leaving the house in a rush when Carlisle stepped in front of me. "Dad, I've got to meet Tanya."

"You didn't come home last night." He stated. "You were at Bella's - please tell me you didn't do anything you'll regret."

Crap. He knows. "Dad, seriously? I am an adult."

"Then you're not denying what I think." He sighed and shook his head. "The Chief carries a gun and if he shoots you, I wouldn't blame him. If someone did that to Alice, how would you feel?"

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about." I told him, leaving the house.

On the drive to Seattle, all I could think about was how awful I was. I cheated on my fiancé, I gave another girl false hope that we're going to be together and she really loved me. She loves me so much that she saved herself for me.

What have I done? I also stayed in the morning and gave her breakfast, kissed her... Oh no! It wasn't like I could just leave; that would have been cruel, though just as cruel as leading her on, surely? I shouldn't have done what I've done but I do love her. But I love Tanya too,and I did promise her to marry her...

I got out of my car and went to meet Tanya; she was sitting there waiting for me smiling. When I came in her view through the window of the restaurant, her face lit up . How could I have done that to her? She waved to me in excitement at me through the window.

A month ago I would have looked forward to this lunch. It would have gone smoothly and we wouldn't be sitting here in awkward silence like strangers. Our discomfort was apparent. We murmured a few words to each other; how was your week, how is work and asking about the wedding plans. As soon as lunch was finished she leapt out of her seat. I don't know if it was because I made her feel uncomfortable or if she was seeing someone else.

The moment of truth came as soon as I saw her in her car.I followed her, I felt awful for doing it but I had to. We went to the outskirts of Seattle, near the University campus. I felt a lump in my throat when I saw that she had parked in front of a small University house.

_Please don't say she is having an affair with a frat boy; that would just be embarrassing._

_Of course she isn't having an affair - it is you! You're paranoid and you're trying to justify what you did last night._

_She probably is. _

My mind was split. I didn't know what to do from here. Do I burst in there and be like, what are you doing? Wait for her to come out? There was one thing I could do and see if I call her she would lie where she is.

I called her. She answered it as soon as it rung. "Edward?" She seemed surprised.

"Tanya." I had no idea what to say, I should have planned this in advance.

"Is something wrong, Eddie?" I hated it when she called me Eddie, though it is better than Eddiekins.

I improvised. "Sorry about lunch today, I was so distant my mind was somewhere else."

"It is fine. I think we both are stressed at the moment but I have to go."

"Tanya wait-"

She cut me off. "Edward I really have to go." Then she hung up. Something was wrong. She was cheating on me.

I knew what I had to do. I could go around wondering, being paranoid about Tanya's fidelity; it may be as bad as mine was last night.

I took a deep breath, climbed out of my car and walked slowly towards the house. My heart was beating out of my chest.

I knocked on the door, lightly but there was no answer. Then I knocked on the door harder and more urgently. 'I am sick of this.' ran through the back of my head. I heard Tanya from inside the door. "Looks like some impatient arsehole is at your door, I'll get it."

I heard the door handle turn and when Tanya opened it to see it was me her jaw dropped. "Edward what are doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." I bit my lip, I was so angry.

"Did you follow me?" She asked, outraged.

"I had to find out what you're doing, you're always gone seeing a 'friend' and it was bothering me."

"Edward, do you think I am cheating on you?" She cried.

Why was she crying? "Yes, I just needed proof." I stood there emotionless and decided to walk away. Then I felt her hand grab my arm. "What do you want Tanya?" I spat.

"I am not cheating on you, I am visiting a friend, well actually family." She explained, I could hear sob. "How could you think that?"

"If you were you would have told me." I snarled, still with my back to her. "I am not buying it."

She was still sobbing. "I don't know, she asked me not to tell anyone and I had to keep it from you! It wasn't fair!"

"What are you hiding?" I turned to face her to see her tears streaming from my face, I was breaking the hearts of two people.

"You know my cousin, Sasha?"

"Yes."

"You know she had a kid at like 17? And her parents lost it and said they wanted her to give it up for adoption? They told her they weren't going to help her in University. She is living here and I was helping her because she doesn't want to seem like a failure to her parents."

NO! This can't be true. I've just destroyed everything.

I was silent, she grabbed my arm and led me into the house. That is where I saw the proof a crib and her cousin holding a baby in her arms.

I lost my breathe, I felt all hot and sweaty. I had to get out of there, I had to run and leave. So I did.

_FOOL! See you're the cheater not her. _

_Oh no. Poor Bella imagine what this is going to do to her._

Bella. What will happen to her? I got in my car, not saying goodbye to Tanya, just leaving_, _driving home. I had no idea what to do. The only solution was to break either Tanya or Bella's heart.

I was lost on what to do.

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****I know she isn't cheating? :O **

**I wanted to make it more difficult for Edward and don't worry it isn't the end of Bella and Edward. As I said it isn't going to be a short story (:**

**Anyone who knows me knows I am a HEA fan. **

**Review.**

**Thank you, **

**Gina  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer. I own nothing characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thank you to Aniseed my beta.  
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EPOV

When I got home, I could hear Bella's voice laughing whilst she was talking to Alice. Bella seemed happy again but how long would it last?

Whose heart was I going to break?

This was going to be one of the hardest choices of my life. In fact maybe the hardest. I went straight up to my room like a teenager, trying to avoid Bella like she was the plague.

It was just less than a month to my wedding, was it too late to cancel?

I laid down on my bed, the Summer heat of Forks making the humid air thick, hard to breathe and harder to concentrate on more pressing matters. Then the phone rang - the caller id reading Tanya. There was no way that I could avoid this call.

"Hello."

"Edward?" She was still crying. "Please don't be angry."

"I am so sorry." I apologised. "Tanya, I've been paranoid lately."

"Why?" She sobbed. "What have I done to you that has been so bad?"

She was blaming herself, when it was all of my fault. I felt terrible.

"It is me, Tanya, not you. It is."

"Is it over?" I didn't know what to say. I paused; I didn't answer, I couldn't answer. I didn't know the answer myself, no words can express what I was feeling.

"Oh my god." She wailed. "It is." I could see her face, full of tears. "If that is what you want, I can't change it. Just be happy and remember that I love you."She was about to hang up the phone up and the lump in my throat disappeared.

"No." I stopped her.

"What?" She asked sniffling, I could just see her wiping tears off of her eyes.

"I do love you Tanya."

"But..." I knew she must have been confused, I've been giving her mixed signals."You were so distant and-"

"Being a jerk." I told her. "I promised you that I'd marry you and of course I am. I can't break that." And I couldn't, I promised Tanya. The embarrassment she'd suffer if I left with my sister's best friend. I could see tears in her eyes, I could see them in Bella's. But she wouldn't have to deal with the shame of being ditched at the altar - it would probably be easier for her to get over.

I think in that moment I made my choice and it was Tanya. I promised her and loved her, of course I love Bella too but she'd move on and I can't break my obligation to Tanya.

"So we're still getting married?" She asked.

"Of course." I've made my decision, in a rush, not fully thinking but still it was the final decision. The one I had to stick to.

"Edward. Do you want to be with me?" She asked in a shaking voice.

She was scared that I'd say no, but though I didn't know the answer, I still said "Yes."

"Edward." She sighed. "I'll love you forever." With that she hung up the phone.

The only thing that was left to tell Bella that there was no chance for us. No chance at all. I was going to have to see her cry. Every time she cried it broke my heart but I couldn't do this anymore.

I went to bed confused and woke up just the same. It was a horrid cycle.

As I walked down the stairs I could hear Bella's laughter, it sounded so sweet but I knew she wouldn't be laughing much longer. I walked into the living room, when I entered I saw Bella's eyes lighten up and she beamed at me.

What a beautiful smile.

What beautiful laughter.

And you're going to stop both of them.

"Bella, may I talk to you?" I asked her. She got up from her seat with Alice following, I looked at Alice and told her. "Just Bella."

"Fine." She groaned, slumping into her seat, knowing probably what was coming. I hope she doesn't know what happened last night, she'd never talk to me again.

"Come Bella." I told her she followed me. "Lets go on the terrace."

"Ok." When we got onto the terrace she spoke first.

"About last night-"

"No." I interrupted she was smiling about what happened last night. This was all so wrong. When she heard me her face dropped, reality hit her what we did was wrong. "Did you tell Alice?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Because you're best friends. Never tell her what happened." I told her, I spoke with conviction. I had to pretend to be angry, be disgusted and act cold to her so she'll buy that I don't love her at all.

"Why?" Bella managed to choke out.

"Because it was a mistake." I spat. "I am in love with Tanya. I don't want you Bella!" I hated saying those words.

Her eyes were full of pain but she wasn't crying. I hated seeing her like this, it hurt. I couldn't imagine the pain she was going through but the longer I left it; the worse it would be. It always is better to rip the band aid off. "What about Tanya cheating?" She said quietly moving away from me, walking backwards.

"She isn't, I was just being paranoid as you said." I remained cold. Her eyes screaming in pain but still she was staying composed, I was hurting her.

Stop it. At least do it in a nicer way. Do you have to be so cold?

"What are you getting at Edward?"

"I shouldn't have led you on. It was wrong of me. For that I apologise."

I was starting to walk back indoors turning my back on a broken Bella, then she grabbed my arm. "But you said you loved me?"

"I was being a fool!" I spat turning back on her wearing the most infuriated face - it wasn't anger at her making me so cruel but anger at myself. "It was my last breath of freedom and you were offering and I took it."

"Oh." I saw a tear fall from her eye.

"Don't tell Tanya about this. I'll tell her you're lying, I don't love you, I never have and I never will."

"I am not going to tell Tanya." Bella spat her mood changed. "I can get over this, to make this look less suspicious. Everyone's seen what has been happening lately so I'll take the offer to be her bridesmaid." Bella suggested to me.

It sounded like a good idea.

But can you trust her.

Of course she'll never hurt anyone like that and she'd never embarrass herself like that.

I was right though, she was too kind to ever destroy my wedding and marriage. It made this all the harder. "Good idea. I don't think we will talk to for a very long time." With that I walked away from her.

We walked back in with Bella saying nothing at all, just taking her seat next to Alice again trying her best to look normal. I went to my room like a teenage boy yet again. I didn't want to do it, but I felt like I had no other choice. When I got back to my room, I felt tears falling from my eyes.

What have you done?

What have you done?

You know this is going to come and bite you back?

Oh it is and it will leave you just as heart broken as Bella and you'll deserve it.

BPOV

"What was that chat about?" Alice asked as I sat down, seeing that there was something wrong but I wasn't going to tell her what. I had no choice but to a time like this a girl could use her best friend, she could use her rock, but Edward had stolen that from me too.

Tell her, she'd understand.

Don't tell her! She'd never understand. She'll blame you! She'll hate you.

It was better left unsaid, I'd hate to jeopardise Alice and Edward's relationship. "Nothing, I've just agreed that I'd be a bridesmaid."

"Oh." She looked at me like she didn't buy it. "But what about you being in love with him?" She whispered.

"Over it. It is so stupid to get myself caught up." Oh how my heart was breaking. How I wished I could pour my heart out to my best friend.

"So my fellow Bridesmaid, aren't we going to have the most fun?" She perked up.

"Yeah we are." I gave a false smile. I then felt my phone vibrate, I hid it from Alice. On my screen it read that I had a text from Edward.

Could you leave now? Use this text as an excuse of some sort.

Wow he even wanted me out of his house. "Oh Alice, I have to go." I told her picking up my stuff and rushing out of the door not giving her the chance to say goodbye.

During the entire drive I cried. How could I have been such a fool? Of course he never loved me.

When I got home I ran past Charlie and into my room. I knew I had to get out of this town. There were three things keeping me here that was Alice, Charlie and Edward. Charlie had Sue now, Edward doesn't want me anywhere near him which meant limited contact with Alice anyway.

I got into my bed and cried. It only hurt more to lay in this bed, knowing what happened here only last night. Knowing that it was all a lie. It was nothing to him; I was nothing to him. Tears fell from my eyes, I was hurting but I couldn't show it. There was no one to talk to, no one at all. I had to get out of this town, I can't, I won't watch Edward with her for the rest of my life rotting away in my Dad's house. I deserve better than this.

I was going to leave this town and find happiness after the wedding. I am going to find a job somewhere hot and move just after the wedding. I'll have to stick it out that long to show it isn't him that is making me move when it was.

I will spend more time with Alice when he is on his Honeymoon. He won't be aware that the last time he'll see me will be at his wedding. It will be as if I never existed but to do that, I would never be able to see Alice again. I'll come to Forks maybe when I've rebuilt my life, or I'll go on the reservation where I know they won't be. I don't want to say bye to my life long best friend but it was the only way to move on.

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**Anyone who knows me knows I am a HEA fan. It will all come together even though sometimes it seems it won't.  
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**Review.**

**Thank you, **

**Gina  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer. I own nothing characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thank you to Aniseed my beta.**

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE! Change of penname to _Lotus-Explosion_  
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BPOV  
I sat in the bridal suite, watching Tanya get ready for her big day. Her blonde hair flowing, her perfect smile, perfect everything.

I was a fool to think that for a moment he'll choose me over her. I was pathetic; as pathetic as a teenaged girl. I wonder sometimes if I was a pawn in his game and nothing more.

_Of course you were, but stay strong. Don't make it look like you care._

I was going to stay strong today. Edward Cullen was not going to get to me. I was going to move on from him and was going to live my life.

I wore a pale blue bridesmaid dress, which was just above the knee. I looked like a 7 year old girl awith a broken heart.

"Bella." Tanya whined, "Will you help me with my veil, I want it to be perfect for my reveal to Edward." I could hear that she was smiling whilst she said it. Tanya's best friend Irina couldn't attend the wedding, meaning more responsibilities for the rest of us. I really didn't want to do it but I had to put on a show, act like I was over him.

_But you're not are you Bella?_

Of course I wasn't but pretending was better than making a fool of myself. "Coming Tanya." I put on a fake smile walked in front of her, fixing her veil. She looked beautiful.

_Bitch._

I could see Edward lifting the veil to reveal her face, smiling and kissing her whilst I stood longing for him...

I snapped myself out of the thought process. I am moving on with my life. I have a new job in L.A which is good, somewhere nice and hot just the way I like it. The job starts on Monday, meaning this would be the last day with Alice. I'd drop by Forks once in a while and bump into her, but our friendship had run its course - it was time to let go.

_But you don't want to._

But I had to. I wouldn't allow him to push me away fully.

It was only Tanya and I in the room at that moment. The wedding wasn't in a church but in a huge hotel. This wedding wasn't Edward, It was Tanya.

Though I couldn't blame her she may as well enjoy her day. Alice and two other bridesmaids wearing the same dresses came in all excited and jumping about.

"It's time!" Alice squealed. I could see Tanya's smile through the veil. I moved away from in front of her. Alice grabbed my hand and took me away to the corner of the room, when the brunette and black haired bridesmaids distracted Tanya by squealing, jumping about and with general excited hyperventilating.

"Is everything ok, Bella?" Alice asked me concerned.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Everything is fine."

"Bella if you get upset-"

I cut her off. "Alice, if it bothered me that much would I be a bridesmaid?"

"I guess not but if you need to cry just tell me, I'm your best friend. You know you can."

"Bella, Alice come on, we're leaving. Edward is ready." Tanya cheered, she was so happy. I hated her - no fault of her own, but I did. This was the single most horrid experience of my life. Charlie tried to talk me out of going and he at one point threatened to tell Tanya what he caught Edward and I doing, but it wouldn't achieve anything. He'd be hated, I'll be labelled as a home wrecking whore. It wasn't what I wanted.

When the bridesmaids were in their places, waiting for Tanya to walk down the isle, I saw Edward standing in position. Tanya, as we all knew, was planning to be late. I saw him there, looking perfect - how I always imagined he would look getting married. Just in those dreams I was walking down the isle.

I wasn't going to cry, I kept repeating it in my head. I stared at the isle trying not to make eye contact with him. Trying but failing. I would catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye but I tried to turn my attention somewhere else. I could see Charlie in his seat, looking furious and clenching the handles of the chair tightly. I was still scared he was going to say something, but I knew he wouldn't. He wasn't like that, but still the prospect was getting to me.

Then the music began to play and Tanya in her classic plain white dress walked down the isle, looking more beautiful then I could ever be, than I could ever dream to be.

As I take my seat I hear the words 'if anybody doesn't believe that these people should be united, speak now or forever hold your peace.' I felt Edward's gaze on me, I did nothing.

I could hear Tanya's I dos, being said. It became harder. I heard Edward reciting his vows, holding my breath when I heard a pause, but it was only for a second before he continued.

I was so surprised that I got through it.

~Edward~

It was my wedding day and I was not looking forward to it. In these recent days, all I could think about was Bella. I couldn't think about myself, it was just her I wondered how she was handling everything. I hoped that she wasn't crying herself to sleep.

_Of course she is. You've broken her heart._

I was awful. Horrible. All I could think about was her. At night I would pick up the phone tempted to call her, but I would always put down the receiver.

I stood there in front of the mirror wearing my suit but she came back to my mind. I just kept thinking about how she was handling it. If she is being strong. I felt tears fall from my eyes at the thought of Bella's pain.

"Edward." Emmett called, "It is time to go out now."

"Ok, in a minute."

"Seriously, all the bridesmaids are there." He told me.

Then I heard Demitri say, "Bella looks hot." I couldn't be staring at her whilst I am getting married.

I knew she would look beautiful.

I walked out into my position waiting for Tanya, but my eyes were drawn to her. How I wanted to run up to her and kiss her. But it was wrong.

Then I heard the music - Tanya began to walk down the isle. She looked beautiful, stunning but whilst staring at her in awe the corner of my eye I could see Bella. Her face wore no expression, she was staying strong. She wasn't going to make a fool of herself, but I could see Charlie's face, the anger, the fury. I've truly hurt his daughter and he wants to kill me for it.

When Tanya arrived in front of me, I smiled. I turned to face her but I was left in perfect view of Bella, but I had to concentrate on the blonde woman before me. She is who I love, the one I want. I just had to keep telling myself.

During the whole ceremony I kept phasing out. The minister was blabbing, this wedding was too grand for me but Tanya got what she wanted. Then I heard the Minister say those words. "If anyone in here has a reason why these two shouldn't be wed speak now or forever hold your peace."

I looked at Bella, she didn't even flinch. She was going to let me have my happiness. Did she love me that much? That she'd go without her love, her happiness because she loved me?

_Of course she would fool! She loves you. She is insanely in love with you so much that if it hurts her she wants you to be happy._

I looked to Charlie, he was clenching his teeth. Not even he was going to say anything.

The vows continued. Tanya was the first to say them, I didn't pay much attention to the words that she spoke. Then it was my turn. I spoke the generic words of in sickness and in health, and richer or for poorer. Then it came for the time for the I dos. Tanya immediately answered.

"And you Edward, do you take Tanya Denali to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

I paused for a moment looking at Bella, she had a little smile on her face. I could see Tanya looking at me and then I muttered the words which signed me away from Bella forever. "I do."

"You may kiss the bride." The Minister smiled.

I slowly removed the veil. As I lent into kiss her, In my view I could see Bella. I hated myself. I despised myself.

~Bella~

When we arrived in the dining hall, I sat down on the main table. I had to be put here, out of all the places a mere five seats away from Edward. Today was going to be painful, I was counting down the hours till it was over. Four.

It was time for the grand entrance of the Bride and Groom. They walked in and I gave them a standing innovation as well as everybody else, clapping and cheering. They walked hand in hand, looking into each other's eyes lovingly. I wanted to cry but I wouldn't.

They came and took their seats, they laughed and spoke to each other. They looked so happy.

I want that. One day I will get that.

They cut the cake and the day was nearing its end. Then came the speeches. I listened to all of them mindlessly passing them, I didn't speak to anyone but I smiled through out the day.

Then it was Edward's speech, my ears suddenly woke up and paid attention. "Today is my wedding day as you all know." He laughed nervously. "I remember when I first met Tanya, studying together," He chuckled, "I even said that I had more exams to spend more time with her. Now I can have her forever." Yes you do Edward, but you also have me, you'll just never know or appreciate the fact. I can't even remember the first time I met you, that is how long ago I found you.

"When I look at Tanya," He then paused. "I er- didn't write a speech." He laughed nervously again. Then after a few deep breaths he went back to his speech. "You and I are supposed to be, we've always known it even before we met. No one ever felt right. Not one. It was because they weren't you." I could see her beam at his words. How they hurt, I wanted to run away crying but I didn't I wouldn't let him see me crack. "You always make me laugh, you're one of the only people who could make me cry." Edward you've been making me cry too, it hurts Edward. It hurts so much. I am weak. I cry and it is all for you.

"If I have you I feel so much stronger, without you I'd be a mess. Without you I'll be without the missing part of my soul, I love you so much." He said then sat down.

My gut churned the missing part of his soul? He ripped my soul from me, left me bleeding but he can keep it. I don't want it without him. He ripped my heart out too, I am bleeding on the inside no one can see it. I couldn't turn to a best friend because I've lost mine, she didn't know it but I've lost her.

~Edward~

I've heard every one's speeches and then they all looked at me to make my own. I didn't prepare one because all I could think about was Bella. I stood up and laughed nervously "Today is my wedding day as you all know."

_Great is that all of you can think of Cullen. At least say how you met_.

"I remember when I first met Tanya, studying together. I said that I had more exams to spend more time with her. Now I can have her forever." I said, but then something in the back of my mind was eating away at me.

"When I look at Tanya,"I was at a loss of things to say, I looked at my wife, into her eyes but so many things couldn't come out. "I er- didn't write a speech."

Then I turned my head slightly and looked at Bella, then so many things I could say about her came to mind. It could be nerves, but I could say stuff about Bella.

"You and I are supposed to be, we've always known it even before we met. No one ever felt right. Not one. It was because they weren't you." When I looked at Bella these things could just flow out. "You always make me laugh, you're one of the only people who could make me cry. If I have you I feel so much stronger, without you I'd be a mess. Without you I'll be without the missing part of my soul, I love you so much." I spoke to Tanya, but I spoke about Bella. I had made a mistake.

When Tanya and I were in the car on the way to the airport for our honeymoon, for the first time in years I had the need to smoke.

I had to get Bella out of my mind. I quickly had a cigarette and when I was about to climb into the car. I turned my head back for a second and I saw Bella there standing still, I gave her smile and she gave one back. She didn't break today. She was strong. I admired her, she loved me that much.

I watched from the back of the car as she went further into the distance, knowing that we were going to part.

~Bella~

The wedding finally ended, I ran out as soon as it hit seven. I didn't want to stay there any longer than I had to. The bride and groom already left for their honeymoon, but most people were still partying, salvaging the remains of the alcohol.

When I left no one, no one at all was there. I then saw Edward, standing outside of the wedding car. Smoking? He only smokes under extreme stress. He must have spent his whole day stressing whether I'd say something. I saw him get in the car his he head turned for a few seconds and smiled at me; I returned the gesture. He went back in the car and I watched it drive away. He didn't know it would be the last time he would see me, though I didn't think he'd really care.

The plane was leaving tomorrow afternoon. Charlie knew I was leaving and hated Edward for driving me away, but Alice still had no idea. I gave Alice a big hug before I left saying I'll never forget her before running home.

I walked into my room. Most of my stuff was packed up. it looked so different bare. When I was alone broke down. The tears flowed, I screamed and yelled in pain. Pain that sometimes I fear I'll never get over.

That was the last time I was going to see Edward Cullen. The thought of being parted from him hurt. I lost him as a friend and as the love of my life. I was bleeding, my heart and soul have been ripped out, he was taking it with him and he was never going to give it back. Sometimes I wonder if it made him feel good that more people were in love with him than he was in love with himself. All I was given was a sympathetic smile.

I was nothing to him. I was nothing to him, just a mistake. At night I bet he feels disgusted that he sunk so as low as me for a lay. I can imagine him one day telling Tanya he once slept with me and laughing about how awful and how sick to look at I was. I felt sick.

As I laid in my bed, crying my stolen soul out I heard a soft knock on the door. It was my Dad. "Bella, don't cry over him. It seems bleak now but it will get better." He said walking into my room sitting on the foot of my bed.

"Dad just leave it, please." I sobbed. "Please, I am getting away now. It will get better."

"You can't run away forever Bella. You can't." He told me.

"Well I'll try." I snapped.

"Look, I don't want you to leave. I can't believe he has driven you to the other side of the country. That is how much you love him?" Charlie sighed. "I wish I said something before."

"No." I cried he'd hate me.

He sat there whilst I cried all night till I fell asleep, into a dark slumber. I've lost him. I'll never have him. He was never mine. He doesn't love you, in fact he seems to hate you. He doesn't want you, you're not good enough. You sicken him. He could have Tanya and you think he'd want you? Foolish delusional girl.

Today was leaving day. I was leaving.

Charlie came in with breakfast in bed a BLT. I laughed. "You going to say bye to Alice?"

"No it will be too hard. Give her a note and tell her to not contact me that much if at all, that I want a new start."

"That is rather harsh." He sighed.

"Harsh?" I spat. "I couldn't do that. It is easier this way."

"Fine." Charlie sighed defeated. "Where is the letter?"

I was half way through a bite but I mumbled. "I'll write one."

"Ok then." He said leaving my bedroom.

Once I finished my sandwich, I wrote on some torn out paper the almost-perfect letter.

_Dear Alice,_  
_I am sorry I didn't say goodbye in person but I knew I wouldn't be able to leave. We've been friends since kindergarten but we all know that friendships must run their course. This is goodbye Alice, I am moving to California, somewhere nice and hot. I have got a job at a paper there, with better pay and everything! You've been a great friend over the years, the best a girl could ask for actually, I was so lucky to have you, I hope you liked having me around._  
_I don't know if you'll ever seen me again. I think you know why I have to leave. It is too hard for me. I am not that strong, I am weak. I need to move on and being here won't help that, being around you and him will make it hard. I can never make you choose, blood is thicker than water and that is why I couldn't be around you. Harsh isn't it? I know. You see I've been hurting and I couldn't tell you. There are somethings I can't tell you. I am so sorry this is how I have chosen to say goodbye._  
_This is goodbye. I love you Alice. You're the sister I never had. I am so angry at myself for letting this ruin our friendship but we couldn't cling to each other forever. I've needed to go away and get out of here for greener pastures, I've always wanted to and this was the push I needed to leave._  
_Thank you,_  
_Bella_  
_P.S Tell Edward thanks for the BLT and tell him, I hope his happy, truly happy.  
_

I put the pen and paper down. I picked up my suitcase to leave Forks for good. It was the end of Edward and I forever.

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**Anyone who knows me knows I am a HEA fan. It will all come together even though sometimes it seems it won't.  
**

**Review.**

**Thank you, **

**Gina**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer. I own nothing characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Sorry for the late update, Sunday was Indian Independence day and I forgot, my Dad told me we're going away for a few days and coming back Wednesday and today was results day. Oh yes the fated results day was today, though I did so much better than I expected.**

**Sorry it was short. I've been busy.  
**

**Thank you to Aniseed my beta.**

**EPOV**

Tanya and I moved into our new house in Forks. It was a large open plan lay out, too rather modern and cold for my liking. My parents house was situated in a wooded area, so the location didn't seem to fit me. It seemed to lack a warmth and home feeling.

I wish I could say that my honeymoon was exciting. We spent it in Barbados but all Tanya wanted to do was sunbathe, shop and spend little time with me trailing behind. I wanted to actually do something not just sit around, but she refused. I couldn't force myself to enjoy it.

In fact I found it terribly boring - I was craving Forks. It was one of the longest two weeks of my life. I think part of me was not letting myself enjoy it as punishment for what I did to Bella.

When I entered home bringing suitcases in the house, my whole family were there to welcome me, all smiling besides one. Alice. In fact she looked thoroughly pissed, angry and upset. I wondered why but then it hit me. Bella. What could have happened to Bella?

_Whatever has happened to her is all your fault._

"WELCOME!" They all cheered, besides Alice. There was a big banner, they were all holding presents besides Alice. Instead she was holding a piece of paper which had writing on it. It appeared to be a letter.

Tanya walked in, skin bright red. She didn't listen to me when I told her she needed sun cream. I was already growing fed up of her moaning of how much the sunburn hurt her - she should have listened to me.

The moment she saw everyone she squealed, "Thank you everyone." Running up to them and hugging them, besides Alice who refused to move. Everyone went silent. "Alice is everything ok?" Tanya ask concerned.

Emmett interjected quickly. "She has just had a rough few weeks." Only then did I see her puffy eyes from when she has been crying.

_I bet that this comes back to you!_

I knew I was to blame somehow, just by the way she was looking at me. It made me feel sick. Tanya in joy ran upstairs for a bath claiming she needed time to relax, but she has had enough relaxing time if you ask me.

The lunch that day was foreshadowing our future. We had nothing to talk about anymore. Everytime we spoke or spent time together it would fizzle out in less than ten minutes.

My whole family soon flooded out, besides Alice. She stood in her position, gritting her teeth. "Alice what's wrong?" I asked, concerned. I had a feeling what this was about.

She walked up to me poking me on the chest. "How could you?" She cried.

_You bought this on yourself._

I didn't respond until I saw all of my family had left and I heard the Whirlpool going off knowing that Tanya wouldn't hear. "What do you mean?"

"Bella."

Knew it. "What happened to her? Is she OK?" I asked concerned.

"I wouldn't know. The day after your wedding, she left. Just left. Went away, didn't want to be found." She spat."You drove her away!" She cried. "She didn't even say anything." Then put a letter in my face, "See!" She spat. "Read it."

I took it off her to read it.

_Dear Alice,_  
_I am sorry I didn't say goodbye in person but I knew I wouldn't be able to leave. We've been friends since kindergarten but we all know that friendships must run their course. This is goodbye Alice, I am moving to California, somewhere nice and hot. I have got a job at a paper there, with better pay and everything! You've been a great friend over the years, the best a girl could ask for actually, I was so lucky to have you, I hope you liked having me around._  
_I don't know if you'll ever seen me again. I think you know why I have to leave. It is too hard for me. I am not that strong, I am weak. I need to move on and being here won't help that, being around you and him will make it hard. I can never make you choose, blood is thicker than water and that is why I couldn't be around you. Harsh isn't it? I know. You see I've been hurting and I couldn't tell you. There are somethings I can't tell you. I am so sorry this is how I have chosen to say goodbye._  
_This is goodbye. I love you Alice. You're the sister I never had. I am so angry at myself for letting this ruin our friendship but we couldn't cling to each other forever. I've needed to go away and get out of here for greener pastures, I've always wanted to and this was the push I needed to leave._  
_Thank you,_  
_Bella_  
_P.S Tell Edward thanks for the BLT and tell him, I hope his happy, truly happy._

She left because of me. She left because she couldn't see me with Tanya. That hurt, I looked into Alice's broken eyes. She was the sister she never had. I caused a rapture between them. "Call her." I suggested.

"Tried, no answer. Went to voice-mail, she presses ignore, it rings twice and goes to voicemail. She wants nothing to do with me." She sobbed.

"I am so sorry Alice it is just I couldn't be with her. I didn't lead her on or anything. I just told her straight."

LIAR

I know I lied, but she'd never talk to me again.

"Really?" She spat.

_She knew! Oh no. She knew._

"I went to visit Charlie."

Play it cool Cullen.

"What did he say?"

Alice let out fake laughter. "That he caught you in a compromising position with his daughter."

"Oh."

"You did lead her on." She screamed. "Did you do more than that?" I was silent. "Did you?"

_Confess Cullen. She'll found out._

_Lie. She'll hate you forever._

_Confess._

_Lie._

_Confess._

_Lie._

_Confess._

"I wasn't thinking." I admitted.

"So that is a yes!" She spat. "You are a horrid man, disgusting. I'd never expect something like this of my own brother!" She screamed through tears.

"Tanya will hear you." I seethed.

"And? Doesn't she deserve to know?"

"You'll just hurt more people Alice." I tried to reason with her.

"You have a point. I am not like you!" She growled pushing past me, leaving the house.

I couldn't comprehend the fact that I drove Bella to the other side of the country as she couldn't see me live my life with Tanya. I couldn't believe that the last contact I had with her was that smile at before that was breaking her heart, and a text kicking out of my house.

I felt sick. Terribly sick. I was so angry at myself for letting this get so far. I hurt Bella, Alice, the list was getting larger. I deserved to lose Bella but Alice didn't. Bella didn't deserve to lose everyone that she cared about because of me. I left her feeling isolated, alone and not being able to have her best friend.

_Ass._

That is what I was. I didn't know what to do, everything seemed to be crumbling, my marriage is already breaking down with minimal contact... I should have taken that lunch as a sign, my sister hates me and the loss of Bella. I mean Bella, is bound to come round at Christmas and other holidays? Surely.

_I highly doubt it now!_

I can't believe that when I saw Bella go into the distance from inside the car that would be me separating from her for maybe all of our lives. I wanted Bella back, as selfish as it sounds I want her back and I need her back. I didn't know what to do.

_Maybe I should call her?_

_Call her._

_Don't call her._

_Call her._

So I called her, she clearly ignored me. I was greeted by no special message; just the normal automatic one. I didn't bother to leave a message, I wanted to hear her voice at least whether it was a pre recorded message.

_E-mail her you fool, grovel for forgiveness. Grovel._

So I did.

As soon as I unpacked got to write my e-mail the words I wanted to say to her flew out of my fingers.

_Dear Bella,_  
_I've heard you've left Forks, because of me. First and foremost I would like to thank you for keeping strong at my wedding, I wouldn't have been able to do it, I admire you so much for that. I wish I could have said goodbye you properly, not that feeble smile. I didn't know that when I watched you figure fade out from my sight in the car it would be the last time I see you._  
_I don't expect you to move back to Forks or anything - that wouldn't be my place, but please contact Alice. I know it is selfish but I don't want a permanent goodbye from you either. I would have never of hurt you if I felt I had a choice. I am the one at fault here not you I never meant to be so harsh with you, I thought I'd rip it off like a band aid, quick and easy._  
_There are so many things I regret in my life but even though you wouldn't want to hear it, you're not one of them. Bella I care for you, I always will you'll always have a place in my heart, but I led you on. I was wrong, I was selfish. You shouldn't let an ass like me ruin your friendship with Alice. If you ever want to see her again if you tell me, I will try and arrange it so we leave town when you are visiting so that we won't bump into each other._  
_Always,_  
_Edward._

As soon as I finished the e-mail, I heard Tanya's piercing scream. "Eddie." I didn't respond. "Eddie. Eddie."

"WHAT?" I shouted.

"I am spending this weekend in Seattle," She replied "I am sorry."

Great on our first weekend in our new home as a married couple she is away and I will be alone. Alice won't talk to me, Emmett is busy with Rosalie, Jasper goes with Alice, Demitri is out of town...

_You deserve it!_

I do deserve it, I can't help to imagine how alone Bella is in a new city with no connection or friends.

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**Review.**

**Thank you, **

**Gina**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer. I own nothing characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Thank you to Aniseed my beta.**

BPOV

California, a new start. It has been a month since I left Forks behind. The amount of calls, texts and e-mails I have received from Alice have been astronomical, but only one mail in my inbox stood out - it was from Edward. I did not open it, just deleted it. It was obvious that he knew that he was the reason why I had left.

I enjoyed my job here in California, and even though the articles I did for the paper weren't big, the paper was larger than anything I had written for before. Everything here was better for me, the sun shining through my window every morning, the temperature... it made me feel better and it almost made me forget.

I even started to make friends here, I was certainly moving on. I couldn't stay attached to Alice for the rest of my life. I walked into the large building everyday and was greeted with genuine smiles.

It was an ordinary Thursday at work; I had finished my work so I was lazily trying to look busy at my desk. I was just jotting a bit of my own book about heart break, as apparently I now have the experience required to write it. I was listening to my ipod at the same time so I was completely unaware of the world around me or the voice that was trying to grab my attention.

In front of me a large chocolate muffin appeared in front of me and then someone took my headphone out of my year. "Hello?"

The voice said in my ear slowly.

I turned round and it was James, a sports writer with blonde hair and a beaming smile. "Erm Hi." I stuttered over my words.

"Hey there newbie."

"Is that for me?" I asked, pointing to the muffin.

"Yes, a welcoming gift." He smiled. "Not a great one but still a gift of sorts."

"Thanks," I returned the gesture, "I've been craving chocolate all day."

James let out a smirk. "There is also another reason why I am here."

"What could that be?"

I wasn't expecting at all what he was about to come out with. "To ask you out."

I was shocked. "I er-er-er," I couldn't formulate words. "I would love to." I smiled.

_You're just using him for a rebound. Shame on you._

I had to get over Edward sooner or later, rather sooner than later. "That is good, how about Friday after work? Don't worry, you won't need to get into anything special - just a casual get to know each other. Give me your phone so I can type my number in?" I handed him my phone and he typed it in. "Thanks." He smiled walking away.

I felt good about myself, I felt like dancing around the room that moment chanting 'Take that Edward!' Obviously I restrained myself from such childish acts. I took my muffin and my new found confidence with me.

When I arrived home, I felt sick again. I've been puking for about two weeks now but so early into my job I wouldn't feel right about taking a sickie. When I dug into my chocolate muffin which I've been craving all day, then I felt sick again. Then something hit me, like a train.

_Bella, you haven't had your period since Edward..._

"NO." I screamed. It can't be, why was I such a stupid girl? I had to stop taking the pill a few months before because I was positive that I was never going to have sex. I was always the wise one, no. This can't be happening. I can't have a child with a now married man. What will I tell them when they grow up? When they realise they are without a Father? Will Edward be involved? No, of course not. He doesn't love me or want me then he wouldn't want the child either.

_Calm down you're not even sure if you're pregnant._

_Get a test god dam it._

That moment I legged it out of my apartment to the nearest Chemist and picked up a pregnancy test, biting my nails till there was nothing left whilst I was waiting in the queue. The line of three people felt like it stretched on forever. I snatched the test out of the cashiers hand, running home as fast as I could.

I couldn't be a single mum, I imagined my life so differently. I imagined having a child with Edward so differently; we'd be a proper family, he would have married me, he would have loved me. I went to take the pregnancy test crying whilst I did it. I would have no idea what to do if I was.

Edward would never care for our child. All those things he said that night, he clearly hated me. He'd probably be disgusted at the prospect of having a child with me, the bile rising from his stomach. I avidly waiting whist the timer counted down, though I could picture the children still, would Charlie ever forgive me? Alice? Edward? This was a lose, lose situation though I had a steady job and a place it isn't like I couldn't support the child. Maybe this child was to prevent me from the loneliness that would conquer my life, this child could be a gift not a curse a new start the light in my darkness. I don't need Edward - a child could make me look like a home wrecker, it could easily be turned into a weapon. I could still get married and have a family, it is 2010 that stuff doesn't bother people that much anymore. Then I realised a child would be a blessing not a curse, I am 25, a child would be a lovely thing to have. I don't need a man if I have a child.

The timer went off, I picked up the pregnancy test actually hoping for a positive but then with shaky hands I picked it up and saw it was negative. I cried, I didn't want anyone to see my tears. I was alone in a huge world. Who was I fooling, pretending that I am happy?

_Yourself only yourself._

I broke down in tears, throwing the test away not wanting to look at it again. Never wanting to look at it. To look at it made me sick, alone and worthless. I fell asleep the night crying. Having the strangest dream.

_I was laying in my bed in Forks, and I looked at my stomach to realise I was heavily pregnant, about to pop. My feet were swollen, and then I felt his hand holding mine and smiling down at me. It was Edward. _

_He was still wearing his wedding ring, I looked to my finger to see if I was wearing one but I wasn't. Confused I asked him, "Are you married to Tanya?"_

_He frowned and sighed, "Yes."_

_"But doesn't she know?"_

_"Yes, but don't worry about her. It is about us."_

_I then realised, he must be leaving her, smiling at him I told him. "Ok, that is how I want it."_

_"Good." He told me tightening his grip on my hand._

_Then suddenly I jumped to after I had given birth, he was holding the baby, he looked to me smirking. "She is beautiful."_

_"It is a she?" I cried._

_"Yes."_

_I held my arms out waiting for him to give me the baby and he just shook his head. "But I am her mum." I sobbed._

_"She has a new Mummy now," He told me. Then Tanya walked in and took the baby off him, and she held her._

_"Hello little Julia." She cooed at my baby. Rocking her back and forth, "You are so beautiful, Mummy loves you."_

_"I am her Mother!" I screamed. "Don't take my baby." I sobbed. I looked to Edward. "Why?"_

_"I don't love you and Bella, Tanya has a slim chance of having children and I don't want her to ruin her beauty by having a child."_

_"Please Edward." I begged him, that moment Tanya took my baby out of the room. "How can you silence me?"_

_"Bella, no one will believe you." He laughed. "You see, if you try anything we'll just say you're crazy and if you're lucky you can be a nanny."_

_"NO!" I yelled. "Edward don't you love me, do I mean nothing to you?"_

_"No, I don't love you and you mean nothing to me."_

I woke up, still in tears. I wasn't even pregnant but I feared him taking the child away from me, he was going to steal everything from me, he didn't love me. Not in the slightest but I'd be damned if I ever let him see me cry. It must make him feel good to know that a girl out there loves him so much she cries. I hope to god that he feels the pain I feel. He deserves it.

I tried to compose my shattered heart for enough time to get through work. When I was about to leave, I bumped into James. I wasn't ready to date just yet or not tomorrow. Next week, yes - next week will be perfectly fine. "James, I can't do tomorrow." He frowned.

"Why?"

"I am feeling sick today, I'll probably take the day off tomorrow, feeling crap as I do." I let out a fake smile.

"You have puffy eyes." James observed pointing to my eyes. "You've been crying."

"No I haven't." I laughed falsely.

"Yes you have."

"I haven't."

"You have." He sighed. "I guess it is some guy. I don't get some guys."

"What?" Was I that easy to read?

"Come on Bella I am not stupid." He smiled. "You can talk to me about it. You know?"

"James, I don't want to bother you with my life."

"I don't mind. To be honest, I don't think I have much of a life myself." He laughed. "Come on. You can tell me. You really can. You can at least give me a name?"

"No."

"Fine. Bella, next week we're going out and I don't care if I have to personally come to your house-"

"Apartment." I corrected him.

"Come to your apartment myself and sweep you off your feet." He smiled.

I laughed. "I am not worthy of that. Seriously, i don't mean to cause you trouble."

"Bella, you're the one who is going to listen to my stories for a whole evening. I am the one who will be bothering you. See you  
Monday."

"Bye James." With that I left. No one could be that interested with me? That is impossible?

It isn't. You're so much better than what that Edward has made you feel.

I have to move on for the sake of my sanity and for the sake of my life.

When I arrived home, I saw a new message beeping on my answering machine. I could answer messages on my machine none of the ghosts of my past could phone me.

I put the message on and and walked into the kitchen, I could hear it from there. I couldn't make out the message through the drunken slurs, then I heard my named being called. "Beelllllllaaaahhh." My ears then stood to attention, it couldn't be the voice of who I thought it was.

You're mental Bella, you're imagining his voice. It is probably just some person from work choosing to play a trick on the new girl.

"Beeelllahhh. Why did you leave?" The voice suddenly sounded angry. "Why?" The voice spat. Then it began to cry. "Why?" Gosh it was Edward. I knew it. Why won't he leave me alone? "Why?" How did he get my number. "What about Alice?" He spat.

Then I heard a voice in the background. "Edward!" The voice boomed. It was Emmett. "Come on dude."

I was about to hang this up he slurred. "I love you!"

"Aw. Missing Tanya?" Emmett laughed.

That moment I smashed up my phone. How did he find me? Why did he say that to me? Why won't he leave me alone? Then I started to sob, I needed to change my number. Will I ever be free of Edward?

I hate that man. I hate him so much because I love him so much it tears my soul apart. I will get over him.

**How about that date Saturday I think I'll feel better by then (: - Bella**

**I've got a sports game, but you're more than welcome to come if you know the rules of soccer - James**

**Vaguely, but I'll pick up on it - Bella**

**I'll meet you by the stadium at 12 - James**

If it is the last thing I do, I will get over Edward. I want him to see me happy, for him to know that I won't let him get the better of me.

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**I am already writing a pregnant Bella story so writing another one would be stale and predictable. You're probably wondering how he got her number. **

**In the next chapter which is Edward's POV it will be revealed also updates will be slower, I am not going to drag the story out so much. Sorry I didn't get back to all your reviews I've started University prep. **

**Updates will also be slower, I am starting school again. Last year ever :O and I am going to have pressure on me, especially from my parents.  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer. I own nothing characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**BELLA _ISN'T_ PREGNANT. Don't worry about getting confused, I probably would have. 'with shaky hands I picked it up and saw it was negative' - quote from last chapter.**

**Sorry I couldn't reply to reviews been sooooo busy. Why do I leave school work to last minute? I recently discovered I've got a History essay to write too. **

**Sorry it is short too, don't have much time at the moment. **

**Thank you to Aniseed my beta.**

EPOV

Tanya was gone again and I was all alone. These were the days when I know in my gut that I've made a grave mistake, that I shouldn't be in this marriage. We're never together. She probably doesn't love me and now I am not sure whether I love her. It had been days since anyone had heard from Bella. In my loneliness and desperation, I decided to pay a visit to Charlie. I knew it wouldn't end well but it was something that I had to do.

When I finally arrived at Bella's old home. I could see her bedroom window but from what I could see,the room was empty, as if she had been erased. I saw Charlie's car knowing he was in, I walked up to the door and swallowed the lump in my throat before knocking the door, I knocked lightly knowing that now I couldn't go back. I couldn't go back at all.

The moment Charlie opened the door, his face turned from serene to pure and utter hate and anger.

"What do you want?" He spat.

"Where is Bella?" I managed to choke out.

He was about to shut the door in my face but I put my hand to stop it. "Please?" I begged.

"You know what Cullen," He moved right into my face "leave her alone, she left because of you! Let her be rid of you because if you turn up on my doorstep asking about her once again, I will tell your wife what I caught you doing."

"One, I know you won't do that it will make Bella look bad and two I don't even care if you did."

That moment he pushed me away from the door then shut the door in the face, my desperation was growing, I was becoming obsessed. I wish I realised this when I had the chance to end it with Tanya but being the fool that I am, I didn't.

Another week passed and was yet again followed with a weekend in which Tanya was away helping her cousin. Alice hadn't spoken to me. I sat in this empty shell of this 'home' alone again in the dark. The only company on a weekend was a bottle of scotch. Loneliness hit me like a speeding train. Constantly wondering if I ever cross her mind, if shes seeing someone else. I wished I could talk to her, hear her voice.

She'd been gone for three weeks and the whole family were eating dinner together at my parent's house, Tanya was there for a change. "Edward, you're being awfully quiet." My Mum observed. "Why is that dear."

"Just work stuff, you know, always busy." I lied.

"Yeah the work load must be playing heavy on his mind, I mean, his wife isn't around anymore." Alice sneered and I kicked her under the table.

I turned to Tanya next to me and I could see daggers in her eyes, "Look, it isn't like I choose to be."

"Tanya, leave it." I sighed.

"You're going to let her talk to me like that?" Tanya spat. My whole family fell completely silent.

"Tanya just calm down." I told her.

"Calm down! She started it." She protested folding her arms.

"What are you five Tanya? 'She started it' - very mature!" I gritted my teeth. "She has been upset lately - her best friend has moved away."

Then Alice tilted her head down being reminded of the absence of Bella, seeing that her seat at the table had been replaced by Tanya.

"Bella?" She spat. "Please, that girl was dying to get her claws into you. I am glad she is gone. If she was here she'd ruin this marriage."

_How dare she talk about Bella like that, defend her._

_No. She is all you have now. Let it slide, she is sort of right._

_She makes her sound like a manipulative whore, you know she isn't. You know she is genuine, kind and so many other things._

I felt my blood boil. I rose from my seat the moment I saw that Alice was crying and shouted at Tanya.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Her mouth gaped open. "YOU'VE UPSET MY SISTER AND THEN YOU INSULT MY CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND!"

"Edward don't tell me that you were that blind?" She laughed. Gosh was it that obvious? I hope she was the only one who caught onto it.

I sat back down. "Don't be ridiculous, shes known me for years. She sees me as a brother."

"Yeah right. She left because she knew she could never have you and that you're mine."

I didn't belong to Tanya, neither did my heart and I was learning that the hard way. "I am not a possession Tanya. She never loved me in that sense and she never will, she wanted to get a good job. She wanted to better her life. If she felt like that she wouldn't have been a bridesmaid and smiled through the whole day!"

_Well you've dobbed your foot in it._

Tanya's face turned into pure fury, "You were watching her on our wedding day? You should be watching me!"

"I did manage to catch the sight of other people!"

That moment Tanya's phone went off. She looked at it, then sighed. "I've got to go."

"Oh yeah surprise, surprise." I laughed sarcastically.

"I have other commitments besides you. I thought you understood that." She rose from her seat and stormed out of my parents house.

An awkward silence fell upon everyone, but of course Emmett was the first to break it. "Woah, dude that was awkward." He laughed

"Emmett." Rosalie sighed. "I think we can all tell that, I am really starting to like her."

"I don't want your views on my love life!" I spat at Rosalie. "You're one to talk. Everyone knows you were just as stuck up as her."

"Hey! Don't talk about my wife like that." Emmett shouted at me.

"Silence." My Dad ordered the family.

"Can everyone just calm down, we don't want another domestic." My Mother sighed. "Anyhow I am sure Emmett and Rosalie would like to share some good news with us."

Pregnancy. I could just tell how my Mum's face lit up.

"Well." Emmett cleared his throat. "Rosalie is expecting little Caleb." He laughed.

Knew it.

"Emmett." Rosalie scolded. "First I don't like that name and two we don't know if it is a boy. Also, for your information, if I have to endure the pain of this child birth, I will choose the name."

We went through the typical congratulations then I snuck out whilst everyone was distracted.

***  
I woke up the next morning with a thumping headache. I must have drunk quite a bit more than I remembered. After last night I knew what I had to do to get in contact with Bella. I knew my only option was to hire help to find her. I knew I was becoming obsessed but I didn't realise how lost I was without her.

Typical - don't know what you've got till you've lost it.

_Don't do it, if you love her you'll set her free._

_You're in pain and you need her. Go to any lengths to get her back._

_Leave her be. You'll lead her on and hurt her even more._

But I knew I would never be able to leave her. I was selfish. Incredibly so, it was always about me. About what I need from her, forgetting what she needed and wanted though I couldn't stop. I was truly an awful man, a desperate man teetering on the edge of sanity with the thought of losing her.

I opened my laptop to find that I had bookmarked a page for someone a private detective kind of thing that specialises in finding people. It seems like that last night, I submitted as much of Bella's information I could gather. Oh gosh, I was on the edge of stalking her, but I was already planning on finding someone to help me find her. I opened my e-mail and was a message. They'd e-mail me with any details that they'll find in exchange for a payment.

I went on the rest of the week normally but everyday checking my e-mail obsessively. Tanya often asked what was so interesting on my blackberry but I just ignored her. We were still not on talking basis since the day at my parents house.

It was another weekend when Tanya was not here again. I started having a drink because I didn't have work tomorrow I would never do it, if I had work. Then tipsy, I opened my e-mail to find an e-mail from the company which I hired. Enclosed in the e-mail was her address and phone number, her new home phone which I was sure she would answer.

I wanted to call but I knew I would need some courage. I only intended to drink a little bit, but somehow it totaled up. I put the message on and and walked into the kitchen, I could hear it from there. I picked up the phone. It rung, then went to voicemail.

"Beelllllllaaaahhh." She didn't pick up the phone. "Beeelllahhh. Why did you leave?" I missed her so much. Then I got angry. "Why?" I spat, then I gave in, I didn't know what I was going to do without her. "Why? Why?" I've seen my sister cry if she didn't come back for me, she should come back for her. "What about Alice?" I spat.

Then I heard a Emmett enter my home, calling me. "Edward!" He boomed. "Come on dude."

I knew I had to hang up soon but it just slipped out, until I said those words out loud did I realise how much I did love her. "I love you!" Then I heard the phone go dead she hung up on me.

"Aw. Missing Tanya?" Emmett laughed as he entered and patted me on the back.

I can't believe what I told Emmett but he probably knew it already. "No!" I snapped.

"Then who were you talking to then?" He asked confused.

"Bella! That is who I miss, that is who I was talking to. What did I do?" I cried.

"Woah. Eddie boy, it is going to be ok." He laughed. "I guessed as much - come on, like it wasn't obvious especially after dinner that day. I think Tanya is getting the message... it will be ok though. I know it."

He didn't understand. He had the one he was supposed to be with. Mine was on the other side of the country.

"NO IT WON'T!" I shouted. "What kind of idiot am I?" I shouted then smashed the scotch bottle on the floor. "I hate myself."

"Come on Eddie lets get you to bed." He dragged me upstairs, then I fell to asleep with dreams of Bella.

**

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**Updates will also be slower, I am starting school again. Last year ever :O and I am going to have pressure on me, especially from my parents.**

**Thank you for reading and for your reviews. I will try better to reply to your reviews, I hope you understand though.**

**Edward will not get better back easily :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Another Chapter FINALLY! :D I don't own Twilight, just borrowing the characters. **

**Sorry for the wait, I have been drowned in school work, last week I wrote an essay every evening, I sent my University application last week so alot of my time has been taken up with that. Anyhow I only found time to write this as I have a week off school, I will try and update more often.  
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I've heard nothing from any Cullen since that day. I was scared by Edward's words, professing that he loved me, those words that filled my heart with such joy, so much that I thought it would explode. It was wrong, all lies, I was a backup plan in case him and Tanya ended. He was drunk as well.

As the months went on with James, I couldn't help but feel detached from him. I know it has been 8 months since I've left Forks but I couldn't face something so full on. I needed to find myself, give myself space to breathe. I think that he was getting annoyed at the lack of physical interaction. Our kisses were almost nothing, I was withdrawn and he was getting the image in his head that I was frigid but I wasn't going to sleep with him to keep him.

I didn't know there were steps already in place to bring me into Edward's contact.

It was a Saturday morning, I went for a breakfast date with James. I think he was hating the fact that after 4 months we were still at the dating stage but when I arrived there he smiled.

It was awkward that morning, I couldn't muster anything to say so we sat in the sun just silently and awkwardly breaking the silence until he broke silence. "Bella, would you like to come to a wedding with me?"

James didn't really know anything about my past love life and I didn't really want him to know. I really didn't know whether I was ready to go to another wedding, but I had to get over myself. "Yeah sure, when is it and who is it?" I asked.

"A good friend of mine, Laurent." He smiled.

"Who is he marrying?"

"Some bimbo, didn't catch her name to be honest. I just hope Victoria won't be there." When he mentioned Victoria his words became venom.  
James has never mentioned a Victoria to me before, I wonder who she is but I had a good idea it was an ex.

"Who is Victoria?" I asked, sipping my coffee.

"An ex - and a right slut at that." He growled, his fists were clenched.

I've never seen him so angry so all I did was muster out. "Oh, I didn't know."

"It is fine - If I see her with Riley, please restrain me. I would be half tempted to kick his brains out. I wonder if he still has the scar I gave him." He laughed, he seemed quite sadistic. It was rather unnerving, I quickly looked at my watch and sighed. "Why are you checking the time?" He spat, I obviously got him in a bad mood, it was time to make a move.

"I've got to meet someone, bye." I told him giving him a light peck on his cheek. I was so glad that I got out of that situation - he was starting to scare me.

I didn't have anywhere to go so I went back turned out to be a bad idea. I was bored out of my mind and was struggling to find things to do. Out of mere curiosity I went to check my old e-mail account to see if anyone, or Edward, had tried to contact me. I knew I shouldn't have been looking or hoping for an e-mail from him but I couldn't erase every feeling I've had for him in a space of a few months.

I entered in my old e-mail address and I've had a total 80 e-mails and 60 of them were from contacts and 15 from social networks. I realised that I should have deleted it,so I added it to my checklist. I scanned through the inbox not wanting to read any messages knowing that they all would break my heart. I saw how many were from Edward, most of them. Then there was a chunk from Alice and the rest were them trying to contact me over social networking sites. Like I was going to respond because they poked me or sent me a private message - I didn't answer their e-mails.

As I skimmed through the e-mails, there was one that caught my eye the subject read 'sorry for the phone call' I really wanted to read this e-mail against my better judgement, against my head but not against my heart. I wanted so bad to find out how he found my number, wanting to hear his apology but I refused and went to watch TV to distract myself from reading that e-mail.

I tried but I guess I am a two hours I gave in and went to read the e-mail. It was an apology.

_Dear Bella,_  
_I apologise for that phone message, I guess desperate times calls for desperate messages. I was desperate and selfish when I rang you. The truth be told, I did get someone to track you down to find your phone number. I know I shouldn't write this to you but I am now sober and those words I said to you were the truth. I know you probably won't read this but I am clinging on some little bit of tiny hope that you will, eventually. The thought you're taking your time to read this and even if I don't realise it still makes me happy. I don't mean to bother you but the only way you will stop receiving e-mails from me or Alice (she misses you dearly) is if you close this account. Please don't close this account._

_Yours,_  
_Edward_

I read it shocked; he had no right to say those things to me. He practically turned into a stalker, getting people to watch me. He has gone insane, only now I have realised that I must have been a stupid little girl and he had been playing me the whole time. I wonder if he thought I was one of those girls that would continue having a relationship with him under the illusion that he is going to leave his wife when it is the right time.

A time that would never come. Gosh he was smart though, he put up this illusion of the guy who does everything right, the nice guy but he wasn't, and he was the douche bag who led women on.

I went back to my inbox sighing then saw that there was an e-mail from him from yesterday, me being an idiot opened it and it was another pleading one, he just wouldn't drop it.

_Dear Isabella,_  
_How are you today? I know I am never going to get an answer but you may you may just be reading this, so in hope I write. I am starting to learn that you're never going to reply and talk to me ever again. This will be the last e-mail you will receive from me. I guess you're never coming back or replying and I have to make this marriage work, with time I am sure my feelings for you will die. Then in time we can be friends and be happy with for each other._

_Yours,_  
_Edward_

Wow. He was finally going to leave me be. Finally going to leave me in peace, I felt free but lost. Lost. Why would I feel like this? How could I feel like this, I hate him. I despise him with all that I am.

**EPOV**

I finally decided to let go of Bella, even though I didn't want to. I started to face the fact that she was never going to come back. I needed to make the relationship I was currently in work out - I figured that my marriage would get better if I didn't snap all the time and part of me didn't resent her.

Tanya. She started to spend more time at home. Why? Because she hated leaving me alone and she didn't want to do it anymore. It would be so much easier if she was a bitch now that would be easier but she wasn't.

Tanya came in that morning and jumped on the bed whilst, I was still half asleep with a huge smile on her face. "Irina is getting married!" She squealed.

It time to register what she said, then I looked at her wondering who Irina was. "Irina? Was that the bridesmaid who ditched you?"

"She didn't ditch me!" She growled. "She was busy anyhow she wants me to be her maid of honour." She beamed.

"You seem excited about this." I laughed at her child like behaviour.

"Excited? I am ecstatic! Oh Edward it is going to be perfect!" She hugged me.

Maybe things were finally looking up with me, Tanya wasn't bat shit crazy more calm and relaxed then she has been since we got married. "When is it?"

"Oh it is a month before our first anniversary." She smiled. "I think we should spend this anniversary at home, that honeymoon was a disaster." She laughed.

"Yes it was. It really was."

"I don't want to be one of those couples who end in divorce. Everyone gets divorced." She frowned.

"We won't get divorced, I promise we've just been childish I think we may need to grow up now."

I was going to let Bella live her life even though I didn't want to let her go. I couldn't keep her, I wasn't that selfish. I wish I was so I could keep her forever. I knew the chance of seeing Bella anytime soon was almost impossible, by the time I see her again, if I do I will finally be over her. If that day ever comes.

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**I am so sorry it isn't long, I just don't have the time, I wish I could write more.**

** My internet and computer are buggered so I need to return the computer. **

**I would like to Thank Aniseed my Beta. **

**Please review, even if it is to tell me this is short and crappy (as it is) but thank you for reading, hope you understand my situation.**

**Gina  
**

Oh if there are formatting errors blame my internet it won't let me edit some stuff. 


	18. Chapter 18

**I have snow days so this is how I am able to upload this chapter. School is loads of hard work and I am at breaking point with it at the moment and it is my priority. I have internet problems as well at the moment so if the formatting of this is odd please forgive me. I've made this chapter longer than my other ones. **

**BPOV**  
Today was the rehearsal dinner for the wedding. I've never seen the point of a rehearsal dinner, I mean gather the family round when you're going to get married the next day, hear the same speeches and really do the same thing. I guess I am just a pessimist with a bleak outlook on weddings, probably because of how the last wedding I went to ended.

"Baby, come on we're going to be late. Hurry up." James called me from downstairs. I detested the pet name baby, it made me feel sick. Babies are babies and I didn't really fancy being called it.

"Coming." I replied, running down the stairs to see him at the front door smiling.

"Well you look lovely." He tells me, eyeing me up and down. I look down at my modest black dress - I prefer to fade into the background to neither be seen nor heard. The relationship really was going nowhere, well from what I could see but he seemed adamant not to see it. I guess I kept continuing the relationship because I had a fear of being rejected and admitting that I was truly alone.

I was selfish, right now sitting in his car in deadly silence, not being able to muster up something to say to him –this was clearly a failed relationship. "So where will I sit?" I asked.

"Oh, you'll sit on a random table. Sorry you couldn't sit next to me but I am on the main table because I am the best man and all." He smiled.

"Oh ok, how long is the drive?"

"About two hours, baby we got at least another one and a half hours left." He laughed.

That term baby, makes me feel sick how can anyone find that endearing or like being called it, I mean there are so many other things he could call me, sweetheart even babe would be better than baby. "Good then we can chat." I lied.

James has been digging for information on my past for sometime he couldn't understand why I wouldn't progress with our relationship the way he wanted to. He once in an argument called me frigid, that I wouldn't loosen up and that is probably why I had my heart broken. Those words were harsh and made me cry for a whole evening, night even. The next day he arrived at my door with a huge bunch of flowers and puppy dog eyes. I shouldn't have taken him back but I did.

"Well, if we're chatting then can you tell me what happened, what made you so...well the way you are." I decided to give in there was no point anymore trying to hide it anymore I couldn't be asked to keep trying to avoid the questions.

"Fine, basically fell in love and had my heart broken, ok?" I told him bluntly.

"Yeah well I could have guessed that, I mean the details. You know what that idiot couldn't see but in theory I should thank him, if he realised how special you were than you wouldn't be here with me." He smiled. "See the bright side."

"Yeah you're right," I falsely laughed "I guess it was destiny."

"Yeah, baby but I am still not satisfied, when did you meet?" He was still carrying on with his questioning.

"We knew each other all of our lives almost, I was sort of the girl next door but we didn't live next door we were just close by and stuff. Do you get what I mean?" I rambled, trying to explain our relationship without going into the logistics of it all.

"Oh right I see, so how did it end?" He asked.

Bluntly I told him, "He married someone else after telling me he loved me."

"Oh." He murmured. "Well that slut Victoria just slept around on me, little whore. I guess she will learn what it is like." He spat, then I realised something, maybe like me he has endured this pain he just reacted in anger whereas I broke down and shut myself away from the world where no one could find me.

"I bet that hurt like a bitch."

"Yeah it did, baby. See we're not that different we've both had our hearts broken, I know you're better than that bitch - you're not a slut who sleeps around."

"No, I am not."

"Good because if I ever find you with someone else I don't what I'd do to him, Bella. I would lose control, gosh Bella if you do it, you'll both regret it." He growled clutching the wheel tighter as he spoke through gritted teeth.

I was taken aback by this, but maybe he acted in anger because he has had his heartbroken and he was about to be confronted by that woman and her new partner once more. "I won't, James. I am not like that! You should know that!"

"Yeah you're right, you're so frigid you won't let anyone touch you!" He spat.

I felt myself boil in rage. "Frigid?" I spat. "James, I told you I am not ready! Gosh to think that I was actually considering sleeping with you this weekend!" I lied, I wasn't planning to but I know that would get to him, to think he'd have gotten so close but then ruined it for himself.

His face then dropped. "Sorry, Baby. I mean I am a man and I have needs you know... I guess with this whole wedding as well - I've been frustrated."

"I get it." He then pulled up to some large posh hotel; it was where the rehearsal dinner was taking place and where we were staying tonight. We took our bags out, a valet came to take the car and then we went to check in. We freshened up and when I approached the lift I saw it was open, I ran for it then as I ran closer and saw the doors shut I swore I saw Edward.

It couldn't be true, I thought to myself. There was no way in hell he'd be here no way, now my mind was playing tricks on me. I've officially gone insane, seeing him when he wasn't there this wedding was going to be emotional but I could get through this.

James finally caught up with me. "Whoa, were you that desperate to escape me?" He laughed.

"No, just hate waiting for the lift."

He took me downstairs to the hall he took me to my seat and left me to sit at the table alone no one had arrived yet we were first most went to a bar for a drink but James didn't really feel like going because he didn't want to drink tonight and as I didn't know anyone I decided to stick with him.

"Bella don't be nervous everyone is fine besides that whore." He spat.

"I am just going to fade into the background; I don't want to make a fuss."

"Ok, baby."

Then people started to flood in, I just put my head down I sat there invisible. I then looked up to see the bride and groom sitting there, then the maid of honour arrived and it was Tanya. I couldn't believe it. I was shocked that's when I knew that I didn't imagine Edward, he was actually here as I lived and breathed. Her eyes narrowed at me when she saw me sitting there, I hoped and prayed that she wouldn't say anything to James, it would ruin everything.

Then behind me I heard a whisper from a familiar voice behind me. "Bella." It was Edward.

**EPOV**

The drive to this wedding was long, Tanya and I decided to make a little holiday of it for ourselves and stayed for the whole week. My marriage to Tanya has been going so well since I decided to make it work as I realised that we were now bound together for life.

"Are you coming down for some drinks?" Tanya asked me.

"Yeah I'll be a little late though, should I be weary of the best man?" I laughed.

Tanya's face dropped. "No. He is vile." She spat.

"What do you mean?"

Tanya sighed and sat on the bed. "I can't see why Laurent would be friends with him still; he is apparently really violent and volatile. I mean he grows really possessive; he and his ex had this really odd relationship. You've heard of those relationships which are abusive from both sides it was like that. When she decided to finally get away he went mental insane beat the guy she escaped with it was bloody. I can't believe he would like someone like that around him."

"Whoa, that seemed intense."

"Yeah, I mean apparently he preys on girls in their most vulnerable moments he gives them a shoulder to cry on but in fact he is starting to control them and warp their minds, Victoria's Father had just died he used that to worm himself in but she was violent and volatile herself but with him it escalated to new dangerous heights."

"I am staying away from him then."

"I am going to go now." Tanya jumps up off of the bed and gives me a kiss before she leaves. "Don't be too long, I hate some of the girls there and this girl Kate told me I'll die alone! Well, I've proved her wrong." Tanya laughed. "So if you don't turn up I am going to look like a lying spinster."

"Fine I'll be there in 10, ok?"

"Yes." Tanya then left, this wedding was either going to be failure or a success. The best man seemed like an awful man though.

Ten minutes later I decided to go down I caught the lift there was the occasional stopping and starting but then it stopped on a floor and I swear in the distance I saw one girl, the one girl who I tried to put at the back of my mind for months, the one girl who I tried to prevent consuming me...Bella. As the girl that looked so much like Bella started getting close enough to see how she looks to know for sure the doors started to close and some woman was standing in from of the control bar and I couldn't press to keep the doors open.

I walked to the bar putting what I think I just saw to the back of my mind. "Eddie." Tanya cheered when I entered the room. "See Kate this is my husband." She proudly shown me off, I felt a bit like an item but I let her have her fun. The time came to move to the main room for the rehearsal dinner and I slipped to go to the bathrooms whilst everyone entered and Tanya took her place as the maid of honour.

As I entered the dining hall, I could see Tanya looking at me staring at me in fear? I couldn't quite make out the emotion then moving her gaze to a person that sat on my table, I walked up to my table trying to figure out what she was staring at.

I didn't know if it was obsessive or strange but when I saw the back of the head of the girl who was sitting next to me, I realised something. It was Bella, the way Tanya was staring at her. I let out a little whisper of her name. "Bella." Then she turned to me her eyes wide with shock, her mouth open trying to formulate words.

I just took the seat next to her in silence, trying to figure out what to say. Why was she here? I mean she couldn't know either of them, I mean we knew all the same people maybe she gained some new friends when she was away? I decided to ask her. "Bella why are you here?" I whispered.

Bella turned to me and spat venomous words "What has it got to do with you? Last time I checked you didn't care or you were getting people to spy on me."

"Bella, I just want to know." I tried to keep my voice calm.

Then she said five words I wished she'd never have said. "I'm with the best man."

I chocked for a moment, she couldn't see how dangerous he was. She was naive she doesn't know his past. "As in a date?" I asked to clarify, maybe they were going as friends.

"Yes." Our conversation was conducted in whispers and muttering before long Tanya got distracted.

"No, no, no, no." I couldn't believe how much danger she was in, he could hurt her, he may have already hurt her far as I have known.

"For god's sake Edward, are you that low. You won't let me be happy?" Bella quietly snapped at me.

"No it is not like that, it is just..."

"Just what, Edward? You're insane; you like to hurt people you like to play with people in pathetic games. Grow up Edward - you're almost 30! Before you know, you'll have children and you want to behave like that when you have them."

"Bella. It isn't like that I don't want you." I didn't know whether that was the truth or that was a lie, I didn't know what I wanted.

"Charming." Bella spat.

"Bella please, can we at least talk it is rather serious please." I begged, I had to warn her before she got in too deep but maybe she already has.

**BPOV**  
He wants to talk? About what? He seemed angry even scared when I told him I was with the best man maybe he wanted me to himself, maybe he didn't want to let me go. Maybe just maybe he thought I'd still be crying over him is that what he expected.

"About what exactly?"

"James."

He knew the best man's name, did he know him personally or did Tanya tell him the name? Why did he even care? Was it because I was seeing him? I bet he couldn't stand it to see me 'happy' even though in truth I wasn't happy but I'd never let him know that. I would continue to keep a facade up even though it was all really lies but I didn't really want to accept that I was unhappy.

"What has he got to do with you?" I spat. "Why can't you just leave me alone let me be happy, let me move on. What are you going to say to me, the same thing you said to me when you called me that night?" I wanted to shout at him, I want to scream at him but I couldn't draw attention to us especially at someone else's wedding.

"Bella please after the rehearsal dinner please meet me at the bar we _need _to talk." It sounded like a plea but I wasn't sure I was going to give in. From then on I decided to ignore him and forget about him for the whole time of the wedding, Tanya's gaze I could feel upon us. He couldn't have told her, could he?

The rehearsal dinner then ended, Tanya walked past us and put her head between us and said to Edward in a sarcastic tone. "I thought you were best friends, why aren't you talking. I mean it is not like you fell out." With that she walked away, she knew.

When she was out of sight, I growled at him. "You told her! I can't believe you, that's so embarrassing!"

"I didn't, I promise." He defended himself.

"That is it I am out of here." I stood up getting ready to storm off.

He then stopped me asking me. "Are you sharing a room with him."

I couldn't believe he was asking me that, Edward's jealous streak was rearing its ugly head. "Edward, that is none of your business!"

"I will be waiting at the bar Bella, please turn up it is rather serious." He sighed with those words I stormed off.

When I arrived at my room it was empty, to be honest I wasn't expecting James to come to the room at all tonight he has probably gone to town or something then he'd end up smashed in Laurent's room as he would probably arrive at like 5 in the morning.

It has been two hours since the rehearsal dinner ended and I wondered if Edward would be still waiting for me, I highly doubt it he would have gone after half an hour at maximum. Curiosity got the better of me, I decided to throw some jeans and a t-shirt on as I got ready for bed already. I decided to go to see if he really waited for me, it wasn't too late. It was midnight but he was probably going to get an early night.  
When I arrived into the bar I was shocked, Edward was still there waiting for me by looking at his face I could see he was starting to lose hope. I realised he hasn't seen me yet, I thought I should better leave. Then I tripped over diverting attention to me, I couldn't exactly run away now. "Bella." Edward called me.

I walked over to him dragging my feet, like I did when I was about 7 years old. "Edward." I sighed.

His crooked smile consumed his face, "You came."

"I was trying to leave when you saw me, make an escape."

"Then why did you even come?" He asked me raising an eyebrow.

"Because I just wanted to see if you were here or whether you've left."

"Well I'm here. Bella take a seat." He pushed out the chair next to him on the bar signalling me to sit next to him, I sat down, reluctantly. "James is-"

I then cut him off quickly. "James is nothing, I like him don't you understand that?"

"Bella." He sighed. "I am happy that you're happy but James is abusive liar."

Abusive? I Couldn't believe he would stoop that low, to make up a lie like that. "Edward that is low."

"I am not lying Bella. That is why his ex left him, he tried to control her, he hurt her and he is going to do the same thing to you." He warned me.

"No. Edward. No. Don't say that!" I raised my voice at him. "You're a liar. His girlfriend cheated on him and treated him like crap!"

"That is a lie Bella." He told me. "I am only looking out for you, you know how I feel about you."

"NO!" I shouted. "Not this, never this. Gosh please don't do this! Leave me alone!"

The barman came up to us and asked me if I was ok. "M'am, would you like this man to leave?"

"No." I answered. "We're just old friends having an argument."

"Ok."

"Why haven't you spoken to Alice? Why would you punish her by cutting her out, it is my fault punish me and not her. She cries because she misses her best friend."

Was he trying to guilt trip me? I wasn't having any of that. "She's a grown woman!" I spat. "She doesn't need her childhood best friend, it was about time she grew up."

His eyes widened at me. "How could you be so cruel?"

"Me cruel?" I laughed sarcastically. "I tell you what was cruel, was to play with someone they way you played with them and to top it all off was that god dam message you left me!"

"I get that you're angry. Blame me and not Alice, I know you miss her just as much as she misses you." He was right. I felt alone here, I did miss her and with that tears started to fall. "Oh Bella." He sighed. "Don't cry, I'm sorry I made you cry."

"It isn't an alien concept, you know! You making me cry, it happens constantly."

"Please hear me out. James is dangerous." With that more tears fell. "Please stop crying. I hate seeing you cry it hurts so much to see you cry." He lightly put his hand to my face and started stroking the tears that were falling from my eyes. "Don't cry." He pleaded. "Please don't cry."

Then I saw it, James standing at the end of the bar looking straight at me. He looked livid, I was scared, his eyes screamed anger. All I could mutter was "James."

Edward look at me confused. "What Bella."

"James." I repeated.

Edward then turned backwards to see James behind me, I had this horrid feeling that it was all about to explode in my face.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN:I AM alive. I have been snowed under at school. It is finally finished my last year of school ever and I finished my exams last Wednesday. I am going to wrap up this story in the next week. I am still very busy got other stories. **

**I hope you all understand why I haven't updated, school comes first and I am Asian (Indian) which means bad grades are punishable by death. Obviously that is an exaggeration but I have been working hard for my whole life and this is what it came down to, I am not naturally smart so I needed to work hard. It came before EVERYTHING else. **

**This is unbetad, I am going to go through project team beta for my current and next project, there is one more chapter and an epilogue left. I am going to round it up much quicker. **

**Sorry for the anti climax of it all, it is just I have not been too well, and this year has worn me out. I am getting my room decorated, I am moving out, I have become increasingly addicted to the sims, I am spending a lot of times with my friends as I will be separated from them in September D:**

"You little slut." James shouted at me for the whole bar to hear, they all turned to me. I dropped my head down embarrassed, I felt dirty even though I knew it wasn't true I still felt it and now these people will think it. I thought it couldn't get worse but then Edward, had to be Edward and do his whole Knight in shining amour act.

"How dare you talk to Bella like that!" He shouted at him getting up from his seat to confront him.

As he went to confront him James made a threat at him. "Come near me and I swear to god pretty boy that you'll be in a hospital within minutes." I knew James didn't make empty threats and my fears for Edward safety caused me to speak up.

"NO!" I shouted at James. "Please. No." I started begging. I got up from my seat and wearily walked towards James slowly passing Edward. "James, he is nothing to me. We were just talking."

"Yeah right." He spat, walking further from me feeling the all to similar feeling of rejection.

"Look nothing, nothing at all was going on." Edward told him, I turned back to Edward to see him rake his hand through his hair. He was feeling uncomfortable he always did that when he was uncomfortable. I knew him to well.

"Well you're the guy she is hung up on! I knew it, wait till I tell your wife!" James laughed at Edward. I felt panic starting to consume me.  
"There is nothing there has never been anything and there never will be!" Edward shouted at him, people stared at us we became some sort of evening entertainment.

"See nothing, the man I loved isn't him. It is Alice's brother that is gross. Seriously it is like euw." I lied trying my best.

"Oh come off it Bella. I mean we've been going out for more than 6 months and you haven't even put out yet. Why? Are you some frigid little bitch who likes to frustrate me?" He shouted at me. I was so embarrassed.

Edward's voice spoke up. "You're being a dick. You're angry at a girl because she won't put out!"

"Is it because you want her for yourself?" James spat.

I prayed to God that he would let this go, imagine Tanya finding out and everyone thinking I am nothing but a dirty slut. "Please. James! It is Edward." I pretended to sound disgusted at his accusation.

"I won't let you talk to her like that, I've known her since she was a little girl since she played Barbies with my sister, she is like a little sister and if you spoke to my sister like that I'd beat you black and blue!"

I could hear James teeth grinding against each other in anger. Fear gripped me, what was going to happen next? It had to end soon it was getting out of hand. "STOP!"

"No, no, no." James laughed. "If he wants a fight he can get one." James took off his jacket rolling his sleeves up and preparing for a fight then Edward started to do the same.

"If that is how you want it, no one talks to Bella like that!"

I couldn't breathe, I wanted neither of them hurt and it would kill me to think Edward got hurt trying to defend my honour knowing full well what was being said about me was true.

That is when the bar tender started to realise that the show wasn't going to end up well. "Come on guys up to your rooms otherwise I'll have to remove you from the Hotel and you wouldn't want that."

They both let out defeated sighs. James before getting to say bye to Edward grabbed my arm tightly and dragged me into the lift where we were alone. "Bella!" He growled at me.

"You're such a dirty slut aren't you?" He laughed coming closer to me then pinned me up against the wall.

"James I am not!" I shouted at him, he started to kiss my neck which made me feel so dirty so I pushed him away or tried to. "Get away from me."

"No." He growled. "I am never letting go!" He laughed. "Never, ever you're mine Miss. Swan. Mine." He started to be more forceful.

I saw we were quickly approaching our floor and he wouldn't stop it then is when I decided to knee him in his crown jewels. He then squealed in pain "Holy crap. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Don't ask me that!" I spat. "I am a police chiefs daughter start getting all touchy feely when I say no. You'll get injured don't pull that shit again." The lift doors pinged and I walked out only to find Edward standing outside of them for him to stare at me and James who is on the floor rolling around due to the pain. I walked out ignoring them both about to get my things from James room and get my own room, avoid the wedding then get the train home. I couldn't deal with this shit and never talk to James for as longs as I live.

Trust Edward to run after me. "Bella." He called. I continued to ignore him. He called again and caught up grabbing my arm to get attention.

"I swear to God Edward if you mishandle me you'll be in the same state as James." I warned him. I said shaking myself from him then continuing to walk away from him.

Then he began to laugh. "You did that?"

"No shit Sherlock." Dam. I really shouldn't have replied I should have just ignored him.  
"Why?" He asked.

"Edward I suggest you leave!" I said entering the room, before I could shut the door he followed in. "Edward are you fucking insane, if James catches you in here he'll beat you." I started to pack my stuff up with him following.  
"Why are you packing?" He asked.

"Why are you here?" I replied.

"Touche."  
I quickly packed up and called the reception desk, and I could feel Edward's stare on me. The receptionist answered the phone, asking me what I wanted. "Yes, I would like to know if you have a spare room?" She told me they did and that I should just go down and get a room the way they normally do.

I walked out, Edward followed. "So you're breaking up with him?" He asked me.

"What's it to you." I told him.

"I just defended your honour." Making my way to the lift thanking God we hadn't come into contact with James, or Tanya for that matter.  
We entered the lift, I was seriously considering kneeing him in the balls as well. "You made me look like a hoe."

"I DID NOT!" He protested.

I went to the front desk and Edward still followed me, I collected the keys to my new room and Edward still followed me. "EDWARD! YOU'RE WIFE IS PROBABLY WAITING FOR YOU I AM NO LONGER YOUR CONCERN!" I shouted at him before entering my room.

He knocked on my door. "Bella please can we talk." His voice almost pleading me to open the door.

"NO!" I shouted through the door.

**EPOV**

I remember the feeling of my blood boiling the way James talked about her. The only question I had was whether I have a right to stand up for her hero. It was clear she wanted nothing to do for me. I guess I was turning into a stalker but I had to sort this out, I wanted her to come home to Forks. I don't want Alice to cry anymore, I don't want to feel the hole, the gap the void of her loss.

I know James tried to harm her, when I saw him withering on the floor I couldn't help but be proud of Bella, she could keep her own. She was always able to and I am glad she still can. I knew that was the end of their relationship, no second chances with Bella. That was her philosophy. A philosophy that may in fact work against me instead of for me.

I tried to contact her through her door, I needed answers. I knew she needed them to she must herself wonder about us. Wonder about what I am doing, wonder what is in stall for the future for her and I. I just wanted to know she was ok and wanted to apologise for leaving that message all those months ago but I don't think she'd ever be able to accept my apology. I knew her better than that she was stubborn and when someone hurts her she isn't quick to forgive, in fact she may never forgive.

"BELLA!" I pleaded through the door. "I will stand here all night, we never got to finish our conversation!"

"They'll chuck you out for disturbing the peace." She told me through the door.

"Five minutes Bella." I told her. "Nothing more. Then I'll leave you in peace."

"HA!" She laughed. "That's a lie!"

"NO IT ISN'T!" I told her. "I promise."

"You promise?" She opened a crack in the door.

"Yes." I smiled at her, I could clearly see tears in her eyes. When did this all get so messy?

"You're not known to keep your promises." She whimpered. "Well not to me anyhow."

I could see the sadness in her eyes, the sadness that I caused. "I am making a change." I told her.

"Get your arse in." She opened the door.

We stood in the hall way of the hotel room. "Go on then tell me what you want to say." She looked to her watch. "You've got exactly five minutes."

"Look Bella. I have wiped the whole slate clean. Everything is working out and I think that should be us to the whole situation. Wipe it clean."

That moment her eyes widened, it was clear to see that she was outraged but I couldn't see why. "Wipe it clean?" She spat. "Is that all I am to you, something that you can wipe clean?"

Oh gosh it came out like that. "I didn't mean it in that way fuck Bella, I mean that we can erase it."

"You want to forget everything?" She asked. "Is that all I am to you?" Then she started to cry. "Some mistake!"

"No. Yes. No." I get my words caught in my throat. "I just want to start over be like we used to be. Before all of this."

"Oh that is lovely." She laughed. "I just can't do this."

"GOD! Bella you know what I mean don't be difficult." I sighed.

"Difficult?" She huffed. I knew I have wound her up now. "You think I am being difficult?" Then she started sobbing full on sobbing.

"Come on Bella don't cry." I told her trying to put my arm around her but her pulling back away from me.

"You know difficult is Edward?" She asked rhetorically. "Difficult is when you have to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. Attempting to put them back together but knowing full well that you'll never be able to put them back together. To know the person you love is with someone else and they're giving them everything you can't. Difficult is when you're reminded of that person and you don't want to get out of bed because you don't have the strength. They've stolen your life force, your will to go but you do it anyway because you don't want them to win but they have. You wonder how they feel the great feeling of having two hearts instead of one. Pieces of your heart remain the pieces that create the pain but not all of it is there and the pieces are so tiny and so shattered that there is never a way to piece them back together. Now Edward that is difficult!"

I looked into her eyes and all I saw was pain. That is when I knew there was never a way, not a hope in hell's chance that we can be together again. Life has parted us. We will never be together and she will carry this heartache far greater than I do. "Bella, this is just a temporary feeling. I am not worth this trouble. You and I both know that."

"The heart has a different will than to your head. I wish it had the same but it doesn't." She cried. "God this would make a good inspiration for a book pour all of this shit into it."

"Bella, I feel awful too." I told her.

"You feel guilty not heartbroken Edward. So tell me Edward how does it feel?"

I was confused. "How does what feel?"

"Having someone else's heart. Having more people love you? Does it make you feel good? Special? Loved?"

"No Bella it doesn't, it feels awful. I feel awful almost everyday, I hear you in my consciousness."

She looked to her watch. "Five minutes is up. It's time for you to leave."

"No Bella wait." I begged her those words she said. They hurt me to know she is in so much pain, pain I caused.

"See Edward you're no good at keeping promises." She continued to sob.

"Bella I feel awful" I told her whilst I was walking out of the door.

"You feel guilty not heartbroken." Then she shut the door on my face.

I stood outside the door for a few minutes and all I could hear were her violent sobs, it hurt me so much to know I caused those tears.

**AN: I know you probably hate it but I have this year through stress lost a lot of inspiration and creativity. **


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